Everybody has the tendency to sometimes complain about their circumstances or the people they are in relationship with.  I once read somewhere that complaints are are just unspoken requests.  But sometimes we cannot make the requests we want to make so find ourselves in the position of complaining.  What we do have the power to shift is what is within us.  Getting in touch with your ability to make these internal shifts will help the leaps you want to take in your wave of life to be all the more smoother.

For example, there is an important relationship in my life but I had a hard time with the way that particular person has related to me in the past. This person from time to time would start to accuse me of things and then would start to criticize me.  I would feel defensive and hurt.  I realized that it was holding me back in a lot of ways and making me feel bad about myself, and even eroding my self-confidence.  I decided the next time she started to criticize me, that I would not react, but I would try to understand her perspective and see if I could find some value in her words and just listen.  Rather than let her words land on my heart center and feel defensive, as she spoke I imagined them landing on the ground in the space in front of me.   I also told myself to not take it personally.   

I made the conscious decision about how I was going to react and to approach the conflict the way I would surf a wave – to just be curious, go with it and follow it.  I listened and ask questions and tried to understand and clarify the source of what was making her criticize me.  The process diffused the episode of this person and allowed me the space to speak my voice and share my perspective with them.  In the end, I didn’t change her, but changed the WAY I chose to relate to her.  It also became apparent that her episodes were more about HER feelings and the way she experienced the world vs. about me. 

I learned that when you’re trying to move forward and you feel something or someone is holding you back, it’s easier to shift something within you, rather than change someone or try to change your circumstances.  You have far more control over changing YOU first .  This has been a critical lesson for me in leaping into the unknowns of life, not knowing what you might face.  Having the muscle to flow in and out of conflict and shift your RESPONSE to what is happening will make you all the more prepared to take your leap in life, whatever it may be. 

Some of my first experiences with leadership began as a 14-year-old, when I started teaching martial arts classes for adults.  I learned the importance of leading by example.  I learned what it was to be in front of adults who were relying on me for guidance and support to grow their skills.

In my 20’s, my leadership journey further expanded after founding an organization that gave me the opportunity to not only grow and exercise leadership in ways that continually stretched me, but gave me the honor of working alongside some of the greatest, most courageous people I’d ever met in my life, from fellow scholars, small business owners, to social justice leaders, to corporate CEOs.

After really thinking about this journey of leadership, and some of the characteristics of great leaders I met along the way, it was hard not to think of surfing.  The similarities are uncanny, actually.  Who would have ever thought surfing could be such a window into greatness?   Below are 11 great leadership qualities I have seen in action over the years.

1.     Great leaders commit to their word and follow through:  In the way a surfer commits to a wave at the time of takeoff (the point where the surfer catches the wave and pops up on the board), when great leaders say they are going to do something, they actually do it.  They commit to their word.  When something changes on their end, they communicate it out or give advance notice.  Doing what they say they will do builds absolute trust and confidence in their word. 

2.     They have balanced energy:  Balance is at the foundation of surfing and is a quality I have observed in the greatest leaders I have met. They have a calm, balanced energy about them and are able to be fully present with you in the moment, even if they are extremely busy.  They possess a balanced and inviting way of doing things.  Many of them have a practice (yoga, running, meditation) or something that keeps them grounded.  That energy is felt when you are with them.

3.     They know when to be old skool:  Great leaders are skilled in the art of relationships, and more importantly, they just know when to pick up the phone, old- skool style.  They don’t send long, diary-like e-mails expressing their feelings and frustrations with a laundry list of things you did wrong or how they feel wronged.  When shit goes down, they pick up the phone.  They are courageous.  They confront things head-on and know when a face-to-face conversation is warranted.  Relationships matter to great leaders, and they know how to manage them.

4.     They choose creation over victimhood:  Great leaders have a creation vs. victim mentality.  This means they focus on the ride – the art of carving through the wave - even if the wave is monstrous and gnarly.  They are self-accountable and don’t blame others for their situation or their wipeouts.  If something doesn’t go as planned, they regroup, try again, shift strategies and embrace a growth mentality, learning from the process. 

5.     They possess a passion for their craft:  Much like a surfer, great leaders have a passion for their craft.  They put the best intentions of the issue, cause or organization before their personal agendas. 

6.     They understand the greater powers at work:  Like surfers who understand the power of the ocean, great leaders understand they are minute in the big scheme of things.  They know when to be humble and lead from behind, and how to manage a healthy ego while being at the helm.  They know how to use their ego selectively.

7.     They are courageous:  Like a big wave surfer tackling the world’s scariest waves, great leaders are courageous in their ability to confront uncomfortable situations and have those difficult conversations.  They face their fears, and by standing in their power and speaking their mind, they are able to come to new understandings with those around them.    

8.     They are versatile:  A surfer can be versatile in her ability to surf many different types of surfboards through many different types of conditions in the ocean.  In the same way, great leaders tend to have broad experience in various aspects of their craft, and are versatile in what they do.  Some of them may have started doing the most menial thing, but learned the ropes along the way and know what it feels like to be in the shoes of the people they are leading. 

9.     They respect others:  As surfers learn to have a healthy respect for the ocean, great leaders operate from a baseline of respect for people, including their rivals.  They are not the type who go around making up names for a colleague or boss, or talk badly about someone behind their back.  They hold respect for others and know how to communicate their position, even if it is at odds with someone else’s.    

10.  They are able to see trends through multiple perspectives:  A surfer goes through many perspectives – from assessing conditions on the beach, to being in the water taking the drop, to being in the ‘zone’, to duck diving under the wave.  They are able to be in all perspectives.  Great leaders are also able to be in a range of perspectives, understanding that not everyone will see something the way they do, but knowing how to cull the “trends” from varying perspectives around them. 

11. They are curious:  Just as surfers cross borders, curious about the next kind of wave they will encounter on the horizon, great leaders are curious.  They never assume anything, and know how to approach issues from a place of curiosity.  They know how to ask the right questions from this rich place of curiosity. 

What are some of your observations of great leadership?