Category: Leadership

Thought Vision Was Just Fluff? Think Again.

4/13/2022

I used to think that vision was mere “fluff” - not worthy of much work and time. It was more important to execute and provide products or services because those were more measurable and important at the end of the day. To me, investing time in creating a vision seemed extravagant at best.

After transitioning out of a 15-year career as a non-profit leader and executive, I all of a sudden found myself without a North Star.

I kept thinking of ideas and ways I could make things look different with a business or project, and I’d follow through by getting into full execution mode.

But what I realized was that I was lacking a fundamental vision for my life.

I know, how sad - a life with no vision. Mind you, I generally have lots of ideas – at times too many for my own good! It was as if I was executing projects and ideas, but I wasn’t sure exactly how they all tied in to the bigger picture of things and to my greater purpose. Have you ever had that feeling?

Well, that feeling inspired me to share with you a few things I learned along the way about the importance of personal vision, and some steps you can take to craft yours and bring it to life, even when it seems far off!

Step 1: Believe first.

During my coaching journey, I discovered there was a neuroscientific explanation for the importance of vision. The scientific explanation came from Srini Pillay’s TEDx talk , a resource I have mentioned a few times in my previous posts.

In short, Srini talks about the brain as having its own internal GPS system; our neural tissue actually has the ability to direct us towards our goals and vision as we take in information. This inputting of information into our “internal GPS systems” happens at a subconscious level. He notes that knowing our history and where we came from as well as utilizing our imagination and vision activates this action center in the brain, helping us move from point A to B. It’s no wonder vision is so stressed in organizations and the business world. If you think about it, as humans, we can’t organize ourselves in the right way without knowing what it is we are organizing around, whether personally or for someone else. Our minds work in a similar way.

Pretty cool, eh? When I learned this, my previous assumption about “vision” turned from fluff to form, and certainly gave me something more marshmallow-like to chew on.

So if you haven’t already, I’d highly suggest watching this awesome talk by Srini Pillay, called “The Science of Possibility”. It helped me understand the impact that visioning and imagining into the future has, and how vision can help us achieve our goals.

Step 2: Understand the benefits of crafting a vision.

Have you ever gone to an advisory meeting for a new start-up or a meeting at a place you’re volunteering for, and there was nobody there talking about the bigger picture purpose of the work? Perhaps you found yourself mired in the weeds of the “how-tos”? How did you generally feel? Inspired? Ready to roll up your sleeves and jump in? Lost?

Smart leaders know that to keep people following, they must be able to hold a compelling picture of what could be in the future.

Being able to point towards a North Star or greater mission helps connect and give our tactics and actions purpose. When we are able to hold a vision for ourselves in our lives, we become clearer about our own trajectory and transition. The clearer we are about our trajectory, the more likely we’ll be able to attract the resources we need towards it. Crafting a very personal vision is beneficial in the sense that you are creating an internal roadmap for the way forward; as a result, you spend less time on things that aren’t going to lead you straight to that vision.

Take sports, for example. Growing up as a competitive athlete and member of the U.S. National Karate Team, I trained a great deal for competition. In the summers, I would do intensive training comprised of physical, repetitive regiments to prepare for competition. But when it came down to the pressures of actually competing and performing, it was the visualization and meditation work that paid off the most. Seeing myself go through my katas (forms) and winning matches was critical in helping me achieve and meet my goals. What I was doing was training both my body and mind to see the goal. Without the visioning, it would have been very difficult for me to succeed with just technique alone. So you can have all the skills in the world, but without personal vision, you may not succeed in achieving your purpose.

Step 3: Employ visualization.

Finding clarity in a vision is one of the hardest things for people in transition. Visualization can be a helpful tool in this realm.

Very often, it’s necessary to go through a process, either with a coach or in a workshop setting, where you can experience a guided visualization process for what you want your future to look like.

I remember when I was starting my coaching business and I was trying to reach a very broad base of entrepreneurs and leaders. I was struggling with how to market my services, as it felt like I was reaching out to so many different groups of people. My coach at the time had me do an exercise. She asked me to close my eyes and to imagine myself 5 years into the future. She asked me where I was working, how I was working, and by whom I was surrounded . I saw myself living in something akin to a very cool, somewhat Bohemian-looking treehouse, with all the amenities of a conventional house (yes, that’s really what I saw!) by the beach. I was running retreats, surfing and coaching executive women leaders. It was that clear.

That’s when it hit me that I needed to really focus on integrating surfing more into my work coaching clients. This shifted things enormously for me. I went from feeling scattered to knowing who to target and what to communicate to my clients. There is a saying that you should start with where you want to end up. The benefit of getting clear on your vision is that it can tell you precisely where to start.

In my work with clients, I often have them close their eyes and ask them to envision where they are working 3 or 5 or 10 years into the future, however far they are willing to go. I ask them to envision who is around them, and what those people are saying. This exercise helps them to gain more clarity on where they see themselves. I highly recommend engaging in a process like this.

Step 4: Break it down, day by day.

It’s not enough to have the vision; you have to find a way to break it down into daily to-dos, while always keeping the vision front and center.

One of the practices I employ during my daily routine is listing the things that are going to make me the most happy and productive for the day. I do this with the intention of executing on my action items. I first start by writing down all that I am grateful for that day about my business and life. I then list what I want my dominant feeling to be that day – examples are happy, sad, determined, focused. And then I list the 5 or 6 things that I need to focus on that will make me the most happy and productive on that day. Like an athlete, I set my intention for the course and regiment of that particular day. This is followed by a process of setting a wild intention - an ultimate dream - which I write down as well. I learned this from a fellow coach and it has done a lot to help me get me focused in my days and proactively working towards my vision.

When I started thinking about offering a Surf Life Executive Coaching retreat, I was somewhat terrified of doing it. What if it all goes wrong? What if I don’t get people to sign up? But holding to and returning to that vision each day and including steps in my process above is what helped me eventually launch the program here in Northern California. Step by step, I broke the vision down, and I slowly completed the planning and logistics necessary to hold the retreat, keeping my ultimate vision for it in mind the whole time.

I can't stress enough the importance of vision in our life and business transitions. It can pay off innumerably to spend time crafting your North Star. Now that I've shared my thoughts on vision, I'm curious, where has vision played a major role in your life or transition? What tactics and resources have you used to help get clarity for your vision? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

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Top 11 Characteristics of Great Leaders - Surf Life Style!

4/13/2022

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Some of my first experiences with leadership began as a 14-year-old, when I started teaching martial arts classes for adults. I learned the importance of leading by example. I learned what it was to be in front of adults who were relying on me for guidance and support to grow their skills.

In my 20’s, my leadership journey further expanded after founding an organization that gave me the opportunity to not only grow and exercise leadership in ways that continually stretched me, but gave me the honor of working alongside some of the greatest, most courageous people I’d ever met in my life, from fellow scholars, small business owners, to social justice leaders, to corporate CEOs.

After really thinking about this journey of leadership, and some of the characteristics of great leaders I met along the way, it was hard not to think of surfing. The similarities are uncanny, actually. Who would have ever thought surfing could be such a window into greatness? Below are 11 great leadership qualities I have seen in action over the years.

1.     Great leaders commit to their word and follow through: In the way a surfer commits to a wave at the time of takeoff (the point where the surfer catches the wave and pops up on the board), when great leaders say they are going to do something, they actually do it. They commit to their word. When something changes on their end, they communicate it out or give advance notice. Doing what they say they will do builds absolute trust and confidence in their word.

2.     They have balanced energy: Balance is at the foundation of surfing and is a quality I have observed in the greatest leaders I have met. They have a calm, balanced energy about them and are able to be fully present with you in the moment, even if they are extremely busy. They possess a balanced and inviting way of doing things. Many of them have a practice (yoga, running, meditation) or something that keeps them grounded. That energy is felt when you are with them.

3.     They know when to be old skool: Great leaders are skilled in the art of relationships, and more importantly, they just know when to pick up the phone, old- skool style. They don’t send long, diary-like e-mails expressing their feelings and frustrations with a laundry list of things you did wrong or how they feel wronged. When shit goes down, they pick up the phone. They are courageous. They confront things head-on and know when a face-to-face conversation is warranted. Relationships matter to great leaders, and they know how to manage them.

4.     They choose creation over victimhood: Great leaders have a creation vs. victim mentality. This means they focus on the ride – the art of carving through the wave - even if the wave is monstrous and gnarly. They are self-accountable and don’t blame others for their situation or their wipeouts. If something doesn’t go as planned, they regroup, try again, shift strategies and embrace a growth mentality, learning from the process.

5.     They possess a passion for their craft: Much like a surfer, great leaders have a passion for their craft. They put the best intentions of the issue, cause or organization before their personal agendas.

6.     They understand the greater powers at work: Like surfers who understand the power of the ocean, great leaders understand they are minute in the big scheme of things. They know when to be humble and lead from behind, and how to manage a healthy ego while being at the helm. They know how to use their ego selectively.

7.     They are courageous: Like a big wave surfer tackling the world’s scariest waves, great leaders are courageous in their ability to confront uncomfortable situations and have those difficult conversations. They face their fears, and by standing in their power and speaking their mind, they are able to come to new understandings with those around them.

8.     They are versatile: A surfer can be versatile in her ability to surf many different types of surfboards through many different types of conditions in the ocean. In the same way, great leaders tend to have broad experience in various aspects of their craft, and are versatile in what they do. Some of them may have started doing the most menial thing, but learned the ropes along the way and know what it feels like to be in the shoes of the people they are leading.

9.     They respect others: As surfers learn to have a healthy respect for the ocean, great leaders operate from a baseline of respect for people, including their rivals. They are not the type who go around making up names for a colleague or boss, or talk badly about someone behind their back. They hold respect for others and know how to communicate their position, even if it is at odds with someone else’s.

10. They are able to see trends through multiple perspectives: A surfer goes through many perspectives – from assessing conditions on the beach, to being in the water taking the drop, to being in the ‘zone’, to duck diving under the wave. They are able to be in all perspectives. Great leaders are also able to be in a range of perspectives, understanding that not everyone will see something the way they do, but knowing how to cull the “trends” from varying perspectives around them.

11. They are curious: Just as surfers cross borders, curious about the next kind of wave they will encounter on the horizon, great leaders are curious. They never assume anything, and know how to approach issues from a place of curiosity. They know how to ask the right questions from this rich place of curiosity.

What are some of your observations of great leadership?

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5 Things I Didn't Realize About Leadership

4/6/2022

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Oftentimes, you are able to see and make sense of things after the moment has passed. As someone who is passionate about leadership and change, these are topics I naturally reflect on when I have the space and time.

Here are some reflections on leadership that I was better able to realize when looking back on my experiences in various leadership positions I’ve held in business and in life.

1.    Your attitude affects everyone

As humans, we have the ability to identify and mirror the emotions and feelings of others as they are experiencing them. So, if you are feeling stressed out and angry over something, that may contribute to how you make others feel. If you doubt yourself and complain more than problem solve, that energy will trickle through to those around you. In short, as a leader, your attitude affects everyone.

I remember one year on the day of a major fundraising event at the organization I ran, the fundraising team was frazzled and stressed out with last-minute to-dos. I was also stressed out from realizing an important detail wasn’t put in place prior to the event. As a result, our entire team was stressed, and this stress marked the entire first half of the day. As a leader, my behavior and attitude was perhaps the most influential to an already stressed group. Luckily, I had a co-leader that was calm about everything and helped balance out the frazzled energy of the crew.

So, when you show up to an event or walk into the office for the day, know that however you feel can set the tone for those around you. It can mean the difference between people feeling excited and motivated about the day vs. unmotivated and grim. You have the power to create the environment you want to create.

2.    Vision is a key pillar to success

People need to understand where things are headed. I used to think vision was more “fluff”, and that it didn’t need as much time as the “doing” work and execution. I was once an active volunteer of an organization with dynamic people who were excellent leaders in many ways. However, whenever I asked what the vision was for the work, nobody could really define it clearly. And when they did provide an answer, the vision would change from conversation to conversation, like a moving target. This had a really demotivating effect on me, and I slowly lost interest in what it was I was doing there.

To keep people following, there is an aspect of needing to help them understand the possibility of a future, and what could be different and compelling about that future. As a leader, you have to give people an answer to the question, Why? Otherwise, they will not be able to connect the doing of the present moment to the overall purpose or goal.

3.    Do not compromise self-care

The importance of self-care is something we are hearing more and more about, and it is a topic that I have been stressing in my recent posts.

In the non-profit world, many organizations are influenced by the baby boomer attitude. This attitude is very much tied to the idea of having to "fight the fight", and that if you don’t, you are not seen as being really committed to the cause. The sentiment is not much different in corporate America. I often hear complaints from professional women that it doesn’t look good in their business culture to come to work at 9 and then leave a bit after 5 p.m. After all, how are they ever to move up? Many feel that it is expected of them to put in longer hours, even at a cost to their own well-being.

The problem with this attitude is that it sets people up for burning out and for potentially deeply compromising their own energy which they bring to their work (see point #1). Ariana Huffington writes a lot about what it means to be successful and balanced in her new book, Thrive, where she talks about installing sleeping pods at her company so that employees can get rest if they need it during the workday.

If you are not taking care of yourself as a leader, you are not setting a good example for your team members to take care of themselves either. This can result in feelings of guilt, resentment and burnout amongst your team. Moreover, you may start to resent your own situation and the work as well. But if you show up rested and ready to go, you will be that much more empowered to lead and really perform. If you are a naysayer in this department, I assure you that work and proper self-care can coexist. I know many successful women from corporate banking to non-profit that have succeeded in instituting very good structures to honor their self-care. I will be featuring some of them in the blog posts to come.

4.    Follow-through builds trust, which builds leadership

Ever have those team members who constantly drop the ball? How do you feel about them? Feel like following them, or pushing them off a cliff? This point is something I learned from a colleague of mine while volunteering for an organization right out of college. She was a very talented person who always said she would get something to me by a certain date. That date would come and go, and she consistently would not meet the deadline. When asked about it, she would get defensive and blame it on her circumstances and her upcoming trip, instead of apologizing and realizing how her follow-through was affecting the next steps of the entire project. She eventually owned her accountability and admitted to the shortfall and openly stated that this was something she was working on.

Contrary to that, I had the pleasure of working with a leader at another organization who always followed through on what she said she would do. It was rare that a ball was ever dropped. And if she wasn’t able to do something on time, she would inform you prior to the date and re-negotiate the timeline. This behavior built great trust between us, and she was consequently seen as a credible and trustworthy leader in the organization.

5.    Embrace discomfort

I remember the first time I was asked to teach a dance class for a school I had been learning in for some time. I was only dancing for a few years and did not feel ready at all. I was placed in front of the class with minimal guidance. At first I resented the fact I was in this position. I didn’t feel ready at all. I tripped my way forward and improvised to get through the classes, only to realize in the end that I knew enough to actually teach the content to my students. Not only that, I discovered I was pretty good at teaching.

As it turned out, teaching was something that helped develop my comfort in being in front of people, and later helped me greatly as a leader in my career. It is great to have a plan, and to be properly trained and prepared. However, in the world of entrepreneurship, that mode of working can sometimes seem like a luxury. Learning to make do and move on the fly was one of the most helpful muscles I had a chance to exercise that contributed to me being able to lead confidently through ambiguity. Feeling discomfort stretched me in a way I hadn’t been stretched before. And neuroscience tells us that this kind of stretching builds the neural networks that make it possible (and even less uncomfortable) to maneuver through other changes and unknowns.

What surprising things did you realize about leadership after you became a leader? What would you recommend to emerging leaders going forward? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

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4 Tips for When You Get Triggered

2/16/2022

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Last year, I wrote a post on what to do when someone around you gets triggered. In the spirit of good leadership, I’d like to spin it around this time and really focus on what to do when YOU are triggered in a situation.

What is a trigger?

Triggers are a little different than getting justifiably angry or emotional at something. The main difference is that triggers show up when something seemingly normal has a very strong impact on you, to the point where you might feel yourself lashing out or wanting to run and hide. (In other words, the reaction is disproportionate to the stimulus, as touted author and internationally known psychologist Daniel Goleman would say). Some people respond by fighting, and others respond by fleeing. Adrenaline and cortisol flood the body. All rational thought goes out the window. Simply put, your pre-frontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for higher executive thinking, is no longer in control. Your mammalian brain (amygdala), however, is. You ROAR! driven by your basic animal instinct. So the question is, how do we manage our triggers? We all get triggered by something at one time or another. Here’s a secret about skilled leaders: they know how to process, manage and recover quickly from a trigger. Here are some tips on how to get started.

1.    Become present to the feelings in your body & BREATHE!!!

Realizing you are triggered is the first step. Often, you’ll know because it will feel like your blood will start to boil. You may feel tightness in your jaw, or in your gut. I remember getting triggered once by an employee. I don’t remember what the trigger was, but I do remember the feeling – one of anger and frustration. My speech got terse and my neck tight. What I wasn’t aware of at the time was that I was triggered. So what can you do if this happens?

First, really become present with the feeling, and notice it. Notice where you might feel tense in your body (like your jaw or your neck might freeze up) and breathe into it. If you happen to find yourself getting triggered in a space like a meeting, take a break, give yourself some time to regain your composure, and then come back. Space is your friend. One technique that is really helpful for leaders is to say, “I don’t like how I’m showing up right now. I want to be at my best for this conversation. Let’s continue this discussion at another time.” Or, "That's an interesting idea. Let me check in with my other colleagues and I'll get back to you on this." Giving yourself space to be present to the feeling and breathing into it will help you manage it. Becoming self-aware of your triggers will slowly help you to manage them. Unless you have awareness of your triggers, you can’t address them.

2.    Do complex math

Well, not really. But counting is a very simple technique to use when you are being triggered. The advice says to count to 10. When you are triggered, your pre-frontal cortex gets hijacked by your mammalian brain, and you are essentially in fight or flight mode, our most basic, animalistic survival instinct. Counting activates the executive function of the brain. I started counting up in 3’s, because it requires more focused thinking and thus requires more of the executive function to do it. (And it did wonders the other day as I waited for 25 minutes while the Office Depot worker continually kept botching up a credit transaction while I was trying to check out. I drove home counting in 3’s and soon I was merry!) By trying to call in that function, you are essentially attempting to bypass your mammalian brain and bring yourself back into using your executive function. You can also write down the numbers, spelling out each one. Note that these are just techniques to use in the moment. You’ll likely need to give space to process the emotion from the trigger after the fact.

If you find yourself triggered and about to write an e-mail, STOP. You will be writing a mammalian-brained e-mail. Take some time to stop, breathe and process before writing that email. Or, write it and keep it in your drafts folder. Go back to it in a day or so when you’ve regained your executive function and then send.

3. Stay curious

Another way to deal with triggers is to get really curious about the other person that triggered you. If the person is making you flip your lid, you want to get to the point where you can start to take steps to separate their action from their intention. Their action may be making you flip out, but perhaps that was not their intention. If you lash out at them and say they are being this way or doing this because of x, you may find yourself in a vortex of projection.   And trust me, you’ll be revealing more about yourself in your words than about anyone else.

Here’s some suggested language to use: “I’m curious: what did you mean when you said <fill in the blank>?” or “I’m curious: when you did this, what was your intention?” In my coaching work with clients, what I find is that most of the time, people are not out to trigger others on purpose. However, the person doing the triggering often can benefit from learning to be more self-aware of their actions and how they may impact the triggered person. The person triggered can work on starting to separate the action from the intention.

4. Get to the bottom of it!

This is a big one. What you have to understand is that triggers are often associated with experiences from our childhood that caused us to feel threatened or fearful. The mammalian brain kicks in and does everything it can to keep us safe, because that feeling or emotion is just too painful for us to handle. Most of the time, those triggered feelings relate back to feelings of being unloved, worthlessness, and abandonment (I know – grim). BUT!!! And I say this again: everyone has triggers – nobody is without them. Understanding the origins of your triggers can really help shed new light on your relationships, and empower you to take control and responsibility for your own reactions and behaviors when you feel triggered. It’s hard to trace triggers back to their origins, but there are some effective coaching techniques that can help you uncover them. Often, when I help a client trace back the origins of a trigger, they cite that the next time they are triggered, the trigger does not have nearly as much of an impact on them as when they were not aware of their trigger.

These are some tips to try. And if you try and don’t always get it right – that’s OK. We are all human, and making changes in our behavior takes some getting used to. And sometimes after mastering one trigger, we’re faced with a new one and have to start all over. Heck, I still discover new triggers in myself from time to time! The point is to try, and to get better at understanding and managing yourself. You can re-pattern the reaction you have to the stimulus.

When do you get triggered? How are you able to effectively manage your triggers? We’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments section below!

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Managing a Team Through COVID-19? Here are 5 Things You Should Know.

5/19/2020

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Not too long ago, my coaching world was full of robust leaders on their A-game, moving their teams towards new projects, programs and innovations.   In but a few weeks, these once burgeoning leaders have found themselves facing the bi-polaresque rollercoaster of quarantine, trying to keep themselves and their teams together, if even they still have a team, or a job, for that matter.

Below I share some themes that have emerged in my coaching conversations with managers in the midst of COVID-19. Some ideas may seem counterintuitive. Most are based on an understanding of neuroscience with the goal of focusing on the whole person and helping to keep the brain and body in balance.

1. Lower your expectations around productivity.

Yes, as anti-capitalist as this sounds, it’s essential at this time to restructure expectations around productivity. For one, the work environment has changed so drastically for everyone. If people came into an office before and now they no longer have a steady work environment, there are so many more factors that could interrupt their productivity. They may have kids at home. They may be managing stressful relationship dynamics. They may even be a victim of domestic abuse. Expecting the same level of productivity as you had before is unreasonable.

For this philosophy to really be effective, it has to be communicated from the top. From there, the message will trickle down to managers and their teams. If you are feeling pressured by your manager, that stress and pressure will bleed out to a team already feeling stress and so on and so forth.

2. Manage people according to how over or under stimulated they are.

Amy Arnsten, a rad neuroscientist out of Yale University, has done very interesting research on the Prefrontal Cortex (PFC), the part of our brain responsible for higher executive functions such as planning, good decision-making and strategic thinking. The brain, being an energy efficient organ, always seeks to be in balance. Arnsten’s research centers on how the PFC is balanced by two main neurotransmitters - norepinephrine (a fancy way of saying adrenaline) and dopamine. To illustrate this, Arnsten created an upside down bell curve. The right of the peak of the bell represents increasing stimulation in the brain. The left of the beak of the bell represents decreasing stimulation. The center of the bell curve represents optimal balance of the cortex with men falling slightly to the left as their default balanced state and women right in the center. BeAbove Leadership furthered this research and translated it into a coaching tool to help individuals understand where they might be on that curve at any given time.

Using this coaching tool in my own practice, I have been seeing managers struggle with team members being on opposite ends of the curve. In other words, their team members are either falling too far to the right and are completely over stimulated and out of balance, or too far to the left and completely under stimulated. No matter which side they fluctuate to, THE COGNITIVE IMPAIRMENTS ARE THE SAME: poor decision-making, foggy thinking, and lack of empathy to name a few.

Take mental note of where each of your team members are on the imaginary bell curve. Team members with kids often are falling to the far right on the curve. For them, it is important to figure out a way to reduce their load and have less expectations for their work. For team members with less stimulation, the challenge is to induce more goal directed behavior to increase the dopamine and adrenaline to help bring them up to balance. Goal directed management can mean setting weekly targets or goals for them adjusted to their work situation in the event their longer term goals are on hold due to lockdown. You can check in with them on those targets or set up accountability structures for them with their other colleagues. This way they can work together and check in on whether they have been able to accomplish a goal or project.

Helping your employees to regulate their PFC now may be the best preventative step to ensuring they don’t come back to the “new normal” drained, exhausted and out of balance.

3. Create certainty where you can. Offer rewards.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that is released IN ANTICIPATION of a reward. In other words, if someone has something to look forward to, like a trip, it’s a dopamine inducer. Once the reward is received, dopamine levels go down. Need convincing? Check out Robert Sapolsky, Standford Professor of Biology and Primatology’s lecture on dopamine here.

Wonder why people are struggling so much to even get work done? Projects once moving forward are now on hold indefinitely. Dates can no longer be set in stone. There is an unknown as to when the lockdown will effectively end. A stake cannot be put into the ground. There is nothing to look forward to. No dopamine. Again, this leads to imbalance in the PFC.

Understand that without firm dates, or concrete things to work towards or ANTICIPATE, there is less dopamine. Think of what you can focus on that is concrete or set in stone.   Perhaps smaller projects can be created. Perhaps you can game-ify a project and offer a small reward to your team if they successfully complete it.

It’s important to note that some team members may need a high risk, almost impossible challenge, to elevate their dopamine levels, especially if they are highly capable and super under stimulated. For others, it could be more of a structured call to action where as a task is accomplished, there is some type of reward, or acknowledgement.

What could your team be in anticipation of that actually can occur on some concrete date at some concrete time in the near future? Is there a reward you can offer them that they may get if the project or task is done?

4. Practice empathy. Be inquisitive.

Putting yourself in the shoes of your team members will go a long way in the future towards a workforce who is already struggling with brain dysregulation. The ability to empathize is really an ability to try to feel what your team member is feeling. What’s it like to homeschool 3 kids if you only have to worry about one (or none!). Have no idea? A simple inquiry asking them what it is like for them to be where they are at, can bring you tremendous insight. And understand there may be unspoken dynamics they may not be at liberty to share with you, including domestic abuse, existing mental health issues that may be exacerbated by lockdown, and even addiction issues. Asking into your team’s situation is important. Here are a few check-in questions you can use that may prompt some deeper conversation. I send these to my own clients before our coaching sessions as a check-in. Recently one of the managers I coach said she used these as check-in questions with her team, which resulted in very productive conversations:

·      What have you accomplished since our last meeting?

·      What did you want to get done but didn’t?

·      What feels most challenging this week?

·      What are you connecting with most this week?

·      How are you feeling?

·      What are you noticing about yourself?

5. Create small ways to appreciate your team.

There is a host of neuroscience literature written on the benefits of feeling and expressing gratitude and its correlation to happiness. Appreciation can take the form of words of affirmation, actions, or gifts. It might even be worth it to ask your team members how they like to be appreciated in this time. Appreciation can even be stated in honoring everyone that shows up to an online team meeting when they usually are done in person. Early on in the lockdown, one of the managers I coach planned to parcel small gifts to her team members, just to let them know she appreciates them. Even better if you can send something from a local small business to your team, to support the local economy and let your team know you really value them during this time.

The strategies I’ve shared above came out of actual coaching sessions with managers I worked with during COVID-19, all of whom were adhering to shelter in place in the United States. I encourage managers as well as executive leadership to utilize these coaching themes in the next phases of the Coronavirus pandemic to mitigate the mental and physical impacts of the quarantine.

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I've Had My Fair Share of Leadership Meltdowns. Here are 5 Things I'd Say to You.

6/26/2017

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It occurred to me the other month that almost every executive leader I know has faced a meltdown at some point in their leadership. Whether it was the nonprofit executive who wept at the daunting task of rebuilding her organization’s entire staff (for like, the 10th time), the small business owner being harassed and taken to court due to a business partnership gone sour, or a financial faux pas leaving the leader of a firm to manage an embarrassing deficit—shit happens. At some point in our human journeys, the systems, pressure, responsibilities, financial anxiety and just sheer workload become too much for people to take, making it impossible for us to hold it all together.

In fact, I’m pretty convinced that, until you’ve had a meltdown, (or two, or three) you haven’t yet experienced the true weight of executive leadership. It’s almost like it’s a necessary hazing for effective leadership. But is it? Why do meltdowns happen? To understand them, let’s look at a bit of neuroscience.

The Neuroscience of a Meltdown

Think resilience. The brain is designed to be self-regulating and energy efficient, and seeks a state of balance. When we are too stressed and our brains are on overload, as I wrote about in “Stress and the Leadership Brain,” we get large releases of norepinephrine and dopamine, the two main chemicals that balance out the prefrontal cortex, the seat of our higher executive functions. And we get releases of cortisol, an inflammatory, stress-induced hormone. As a result, the prefrontal cortex gets knocked out of balance, if you will, resulting in symptoms like lack of empathy, inability to regulate impulses, foggy thinking, poor decision-making and poor memory. In short, our brain’s natural ability to regulate gets thrown off because it is out of balance chemically. Hence, the breakdowns and inability to humanly manage it all. Literally, you are overloaded and your regulating mechanisms are compromised. So, what can you do to keep your head above water and prevent a meltdown?

1. Share power.

We usually think about leadership as one captain solely responsible for where a ship will sail. The lone ranger paving the way. By not sharing power, you hold on to more than you can perhaps manage. Your own need to control starts to actually hamper you. Trust me—I’ve been one of those leaders who needed to have personal oversight of everything. Sharing power frees your brain up to take on other things, and builds a sense of buy-in and accountability to results. Of course, the art of this for any leader is figuring out how much to let go and share and how much to retain continued oversight. This is a balance that can only be achieved with your willingness to accept the inevitable mistakes people around you might make in your absence, and trusting that lessons will be learned from those mistakes. Sharing, coupled with a growth mindset of learning from trial and error, is a crucial element in helping leaders manage stress that can lead to meltdowns.

2. Be more vulnerable.

“I love being vulnerable, because it’ so comfortable and pleasing to the soul and gets you what you want,” said NO ONE EVER. As tough as vulnerability can feel in our culture, where it is often perceived as weakness, it’s a fallacy of leadership that you as the leader have to always solve for everything. Actually, the more you can admit you don’t know HOW to do something, the more it will free you from obligating yourself to fix it. And that means more brain space for other things (remember what we’re going for here—realistic goals and workloads that don’t send your brain into unhealthy overdrive). It will also give other team members the opportunity to chime in with their expertise. By simply saying “I don’t know” and showing a little vulnerability, you invite in new ideas, perspectives and perhaps a collective way of finding solutions to a problem vs. being the lone ranger needing to fix it. (Note lone ranger reference now twice in this post.)

3. Put a stake in the ground.

Remember that old game where a stake with ribbons attached is driven into the ground, and each child would get ahold of a piece of ribbon and frolic around the stake and weave between one another creating a sort of braid around the stake? That’s what I mean here. Defining a stake means that you and your leaders are passionately committed to “dancing around” it and holding it in place. For example, the stake could be quality. It could be integrity. It could be creating community. Whatever you define the stake to be, clarify what it is for your company, or any project, or collaboration. It will help you and your team keep focused so you don’t veer off and start leading into things that do not relate back to the stake, thereby overloading your plate with things other thank the stake, no pun intended.

4. Have someone to talk to.

Getting outside support and having someone to talk with on a regular basis can also help you manage overload. Becoming more present to emotions, naming them, feeing them, creates greater integration and resilience. We are constantly regulating one another’s nervous systems. Ever talk with a person suffering from extreme anxiety and find yourself leaving the conversation feeling anxious wanting to ventilate into a paper bag? Ever come across someone who is as calm as a lake and, next thing you know, you get a warm, fuzzy feeling inside and feel the calmness within you? (This has to do with a concept called sense of self, but that topic is for another post.) So if you are on overload, find calming people to talk with—those whose energy can help to have a positive regulatory effect on your nervous system is key.

5. Invest in people and grow the leadership around you.

Leaders fill gaps. And well, when the going gets tough and things start slipping through your leadership cracks, you will be thankful there are people around you who have the leadership skills to fill in those cracks. If you are just surrounded by followers of your word, you will be overwhelmed—all the time. Investing in growing leadership capabilities of those around you and giving up some of your power can better ensure gaps are filled when shit hits the fan. And I promise you this—shit WILL hit the fan. Investment means taking time to coach and mentor people in your organization. If you don’t have the time, hire external coaches, send your team members to a good quality leadership immersion program, or give them more responsibilities and coach them to succeed. Your biggest assets are your people. Having strong people around you will help you manage the load better.

What did you learn from your leadership meltdown?   If you had to do it all over again, what advice would you give?

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Indian Dance and the Art of Leadership: My One Favorite Lesson

4/24/2017

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Photo Credit: Naveen Nelapudi

When I was 20, I was bitten by the classical Indian music and dance bug. Before I knew it, I found myself with a one-way ticket out to Northern California to study with one of the last living masters* of Kathak. Kathak is a dance discipline made up of mathematically precise footwork, swift pirouettes and storytelling. Our teacher was always known for his speed and agility, training us with the utmost rigor and repetition. When people would visit the class, he would pride himself on how hard he’d work us, often pushing us, for example, to execute 108 swift pirouettes in a row without pause. At one point, I remember I spun so out of control I knocked over the halogen lamp in the Fulton and 3rd Ashram in San Francisco where we used to train. Speed and fierceness were high values, and to just keep going, no matter what, was often the lesson. There were times we’d be on a roll, and nothing could stand in our way, egos flying high, adrenaline pumping from the percussive beats and all-around good workout. And then, he’d do the one thing that would completely fuck our shit up: He’d slow everything down.

All of a sudden, everything we had trained our bodies to do in relation to executing a composition at a certain speed went out the door. If I had to give you a surfing metaphor for what this was like, it was akin to surfing a thin, hollow wave over a pure reef break on a shortboard, feeling the split second stability of the board that a powerful wave might offer on takeoff, and then suddenly finding yourself on a completely different wave - one that is slow, flat, lazy, and weak, but having to surf with the same board - without being allowed to paddle. All of a sudden, with everything weaker and slower, the board feels wobbly in the weak surf. But now you need some type of precision and skill to make it work in those conditions.

Deep inside, I knew this was my teacher’s way of truly testing how well we knew the compositions and how solid of a grasp we had of taal (rhythm), one of the defining virtues on which the whole classical North Indian music structure is based. If the tempo were slowed down, we really HAD to understand the composition, in a totally different way. We had to know precisely where each beat of the composition would land in the cycle of rhythm AND make conscious adjustments to the composition and relate it differently to the underlying rhythmic cycle. We suddenly needed to shift from unconscious competence into a space of being conscious of what we were doing. This required us to be ever more precise given the space of in-between we were now given. Aside from the “be prepared for what life may throw at you” lesson, there was another lesson in this, too. First, a little neuroscience.

Let’s start with brain waves. We have 5 known speeds of brain waves—beta, alpha, theta, delta and gamma. Whether we are mentally active, resting or asleep, our brain always has some level of electrical activity. Beta, for example, is where we function most of the day when we are “doing” something, like when we are in our task-positive network. Delta is our slowest wavelength, generated in dreamless sleep and in the deepest of meditation. As my coaching colleague pointed out, the slower our brain waves, the more time we have between thoughts (just as we have more time between beats in a composition when the tempo slows.) The more mindful we can be about our thoughts and actions, the more conscious we become of them. But wait! There’s more! --The slower the brain waves, the more the right and left hemispheres of the brain communicate! So when the tempo of life slows, it forces more awareness and consciousness AND, quite possibly, a more optimal environment for brain integration. I know - Holy Mother of Kali!

In thinking about this lesson from classical Indian dance, I couldn’t help but wonder what we miss as leaders when we don’t slow down. By slowing down, we are literally allowing more space between thoughts and creating a more optimal internal environment for conscious, thoughtful decision making. In fact, if you think about it, slowness has virtues not just in the leadership realm. I recently decided to slow down my eating and to chew as much as possible, to consciously be aware of the food I was eating to nurture my body. As a result, my entire experience of eating changed. For one, I become fuller with less food AND I actually enjoy the food more, reveling in every bite and taste. I am also WAY more present to the eating experience.

I do not mean to say that speed doesn’t have its virtues, or that quick decisions are always bad, nor do I mean to imply to ignore our intuitive hits. However, to slow down a process while still maintaining balance and grace is something of an art. It requires awareness, consciousness and precision. In the case of dance, it was the necessary training ground that would serve to distinguish the technique and ability of a dance practitioner from the nuances and subtleties of a well developed artist.

Imagine what we’re missing when we’re always doing everything fast—from dating, to eating, to running a business, to surfing only fast waves, or dancing only fast compositions. We’re short-changing the many capabilities, perspectives and details the structure of our consciousness offers, limiting how we see, feel and experience the world around us. We’re missing out on this rich space of "in between", and on the insights that come from having to break something down we know so well, and to be in it from a totally difference reference point. It’s no coincidence there is a surge of interest in Eastern traditions that have practices that slow us down. From yoga to meditation to, yes, classical Indian dance and music. These are not just new-agey, hippie-dippie things. We’re in a moment in our culture when we are actively seeking slow. In doing so, we are not just building optimal environments for better, more integrated brains, but, in my opinion, honing real leadership tools.

So to leaders out there, I challenge you to slow things down, but to first start with slowing down your own thoughts. You may, in the end, make better decisions and contribute to a more conscious and mindful world. Where do you need to slow it down a notch? What takes you to slow?

* The late Pandit Chitresh Das, master Kathak artist, teacher, and performer not only left behind a legacy of timeless teachings in his craft, but patterned the minds of those he touched deeply, cultivating new generations of artists, activists, thinkers, and leaders who continue to be inspired by his lessons and work.

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My Brain on Stress: What I Wish Someone Had Told Me When I Was an Executive Leader

1/23/2017

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The Neuroscience of Stress

Everyone needs a “just right” amount of arousal chemicals for optimal functioning of the prefrontal cortex (PFC), the area of the brain responsible for our executive functioning, including thoughtful decision-making and planning for the future, among other things.

Picture a bell curve. To the right of the curve is increased stress / stimulation, and to the left of the curve is decreased stress / stimulation. Our cortex is regulated by two main chemicals (dopamine and norepinephrine) and becomes stimulated (or not) based on the task at hand. When we are alert and interested, we get the right amount of chemical release. But when we are stressed and out of control, we get BIG releases of these chemicals. All the connections in this part of the brain become dysfunctional, engaging other kinds of receptors that actually impair prefrontal cortex function. The impact of being over-stimulated or under-stimulated results in the SAME cognitive impairment of the brain: foggy thinking, poor memory, lack of empathy, inability to regulate impulses. As well, chronic stress results in actual architectural changes in the cortex. You actually start losing dendrites, a branched part of a neuron involved in cell to cell electrochemical stimulation. Stress is VERY real, and actually has the ability to alter the structural make up of your brain. Cray, eh?

So what does this have to do with YOU? Behavior from the top trickles down to your team, so if you are a stressed leader and not taking care of yourself, how can you possibly model good behavior to your colleagues and employees? Moreover, as a leader, you need to be able to access your brain when it is at its best (in balance). When you are overstressed or under-stimulated, you don’t get optimal executive functioning. Below, I share some strategies for managing stress and getting your PFC closer to balance or “online” as we coaches like to say.

Name Your Emotions

According to BeAbove Leadership, an organization specializing in the intersectionality of neuroscience, consciousness and leadership, “research shows that simply naming an emotion reduces amygdala activity.” This is one of the reasons I listen to my clients and try to help them name the emotions that they are feeling. Often, a client will show up at a session experiencing a whole host of different feelings. After listening very carefully to them, I often reflect what it is I hear them saying, and then attempt to name an emotion. I will say, “it sounds like ‘guilt’ or it sounds like ‘grief,’” and in doing that, it helps them make sense of their own emotions. If I’m not right on with the emotion, it’s the opportunity for them to say, for example, “no, actually it’s not guilt; it’s more ambivalence.”

Journaling how you are feeling each day can also markedly help with stress management; simply waking up in the morning and taking 10 minutes to write down how you are feeling that day can help you process stressful feelings when you don’t have an empathetic listener.

Reframe Your Perspective

Shifting and reframing your perspective is one way to effectively reduce stress. I once left a coaching session feeling a bit stunned. My “inner child” wanted to flee. A client who was feeling a lot of anger in his life had taken it out on me by yelling at me and insulting the coaching profession. I left feeling as if I had failed, and the experience had me questioning my coaching abilities. The “stun” was my fight or flight. In that moment, my prefrontal cortex got (PFC) stressed, and I had very little access to it, as it was flooded with dopamine and norepinephrine.

After some introspection and self-coaching, I was able to reframe this session as a gift instead of an utter disaster. Though it felt stressful for me, my client had triggered something that reminded me of how some people would lash out at me for things when I was growing up, thereby stimulating a very emotional response and memory to the stressor. And this made me feel worthless. So in bringing up this feeling again was an opportunity to heal it, to use my PFC to think more about it and to calm my stress response and self-manage through difficult to be with emotions. Moreover, I realized that my client felt safe enough to express his anger with me. Following that we had a breakthrough session and he showed up ready and willing to be coached. Taking the time to think and reframe a stressful event can help build a new neural pathway to thinking about a situation, and bring the PFC back online to help you make sense of your own emotions.

Practice Focus and Attention

The data from studies relating to focus and attention just gets more and more fascinating, particularly around meditation. It’s not just “new-agey stuff.” Studies show that meditation changes the composition of the brain.

Long-term meditators have increased amounts of grey matter in parts of the brain associated with sensory functions, and they also have more grey matter in the PFC. Some studies indicate that meditation also reduces the size of the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for the fight or flight “freeze” response of the brain and strengthens the brain region responsible for processing information related to people perceived as being different front you (our seat of empathy).

What’s this got to do with stress? Well, the data suggests that meditation builds more “good” types of connections in the brain, to help it become more resilient to stress. So with more focus and attention, you can build your resilience and have stronger connections between the logical and empathetic areas of your higher executive functioning brain and your limbic system, making you more resilient to stress.

Make a Powerful Choice

When you are out of balance on the curve, sometimes it requires you to make some lifestyle choices, and sometimes it requires you to make powerful choices. The difference between just making a choice and a POWERFUL choice is that there is often more at stake with the powerful choice. A powerful choice might feel more difficult to make because the consequences of the choice are so life-changing that it is too scary to think about removing the source of the stress. Powerful choices often require courage, as in the event of choosing to quit a job, get out of a toxic relationship, or simply to just stop doing something.

Lastly, our PFC and the relevant chemical release is proportional to the task at hand. While some might feel a little stimulation from something and it feels like a good amount of stimulation, for others it can provoke a much stronger chemical response and overload the PFC with chemicals. What tips and strategies have you picked up along the way to manage your stress? When you are feeling like you want to “fight or flee,” how have you gotten your PFC back online to where things feel just right?

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Growing Your Listening Skills Will Grow Your Leadership. Here's How.

12/14/2015

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I had a friend over for dinner the other week. I just finished giving her updates on my life, how my recent trip back East went, what was hard, what was new. After I finished, I was met with a “that’s good” type of response. Not much more. It was like talking into a well, with no feedback, affirmation, insights, commiserating … nothing. Then, she launched into her updates, and I spent the remainder of the evening listening, supporting, ad-hoc coaching, and offering feedback to her on her relationships and challenges.

Reflecting on the evening, I felt a little sad and, truth be told, a little used. Why is it so hard for someone to listen thoughtfully and to let me know I’ve been heard? I listened to her; why can’t she show me that she’s actively listening to me? All of this got me thinking about what makes someone a good listener.

Let’s start with recognizing what it is to not listen well.

You are quick to interrupt.

You are quick to hear someone and you generally interrupt them to offer a thought or response before they can finish what it is they are saying. This shows you are not holding space to sufficiently take in what you hear. Rather, you are already trying to craft an answer, rebuttal, opinion, or respond before fully listening. Note: if you are a coach, you may be taught to intrude for the purpose of keeping your client on track, but for the rest of you, you probably aren’t listening well if you continually interrupt.

You overshare.

You take up 80% of the space in your conversations. You are concerned with expressing yourself and making sure you get heard but leave little room for others.

You tend to multitask while someone is talking.

Unless you are knitting, walking, or doing something that takes unconscious competence to do, chances are you are not fully listening to the other person when you are doing something else at the same time. It is impossible to be a good listener if you are typing an e-mail or reading the news on your phone. The brain does not multitask; it can only do one thing at a time. Although you may think you are successfully doing many things at once, in actuality your brain is switching back and forth from task to task and your attention is being divided.

You self-reference.

You automatically apply what someone is saying to your own situation. In other words, you don’t take the time to show you are understanding what they are saying and feeling. Instead, you bring the conversation back to you and how you would feel if you were in their position. This is different from empathizing with someone, as you are not genuinely trying to understand the other person’s feelings as much as you are projecting your thoughts and feelings onto their situation.

See any of these behaviors in yourself? If so, you may have a great opportunity to grow your leadership skills by becoming a better listener.

In coaching, one of the first things we do is learn the 3 levels of listening. Level 1 listening is all about self-referencing per the example above. For example, if your friend says something, you immediately think of yourself and say, “Oh yeah, I remember when that happened to me." In other words, it’s all about referencing what someone is saying in relation to you and your experience. It’s not a bad level, per se. It is the level we probably most often encounter in our relationships. But it is not the most powerful level of listening.

Level 2 is when you can actually start to listen to someone and stop referring back to yourself. You really hear what it is they are trying to say. You are focused on them and not on yourself.

And level 3 is about listening to all the things that are NOT being said, but that are present in a conversation - the energy of the person, their intonation, what you are hearing between the words, what your intuition tells you. This is where you as a leader really have the power to achieve deeper understanding and, ultimately, effect better outcomes through listening.

Here are some tips for achieving level 3 listening:

1. So what I’m hearing you say is …

This is a great phrase that sets you up for an attempt to understand and reiterate what it is you heard the other person say. If you are listening well, you should be able to sum up what it is you think the person is trying to say. You can also use other versions of this phrase, such as: It seems like … I hear you. It sounds like … Using any of these phrases will not only help you synthesize what you just heard, but will indicate to the other person that you are truly trying to understand what they are saying..

2. That’s curious. How did that make you feel? …

Being curious about what the other person says will help you listen better. Asking them how something made them feel can help them reflect more on what it is they are saying and also give you another angle to understand what it is they are trying to say.

3. Simply ask those around you whether they think you are an effective listener.

If it’s a “no,” or you get a wishy-washy response because they are afraid to tell you the truth, ask, “How could I improve?” You’ll be surprised at what they say. Maybe they will tell you not to interrupt so much when you didn’t realize you were doing that. Maybe they need a nod or more eye contact from you. Maybe they just need an acknowledgement of some sort. If you don’t ask, you won’t know!

Challenge yourself in your next conversation: go in with the intention of listening and making the other person feel heard. Challenge yourself to not respond, offer advice, or self-relate until the person is finished speaking. See how long you can go just listening!

As you practice better listening, you’ll likely gain new insights about yourself and about the person you are listening to. Getting curious while listening can prompt you to ask the right questions for solving problems and demonstrates that you are truly present in the interaction. Most of all, growing your listening is growing your leadership.

Try these listening tips and leave a comment below about the differences you notice in your conversations!

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4 Tips for Managing Performance on the Fly

1/13/2015

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The other month I delivered a talk to a group of 50 some people at a large technology company. The executive that preceded me had gone over her allotted time in the presentation. Unfortunately, the moderator did not make up for lost time in the Q&A session. As a result, I found myself having to cram an hour-and-20-minute presentation I had so carefully planned into 50 minutes. Yikes!

Moreover, after the executive presented, half of the audience got up to get food, and some people left. I went from feeling excited and prepared to feeling rushed, uneasy and nervous, wondering how I was going to fit everything in. I actually started to feel like nobody wanted to listen to me. For a moment, I could feel myself losing my composure. I knew my saboteur, that inner voice of criticism and negativity, was about to get the best of me. Fortunately, I was able to self-manage and get through the presentation just fine. Here are some things that helped me get through this unexpected situation with grace and ease.

1.    Put Things into Perspective

Rather than get annoyed at the way things were flowing, I had to pause and put things into perspective. I reminded myself that there have been far greater offenses in similar situations, and to much more distinguished people in a much more complicated performance environment! I had a flashback to world-class Indian artist, Pandit Chitresh Das* who I had the benefit of studying under for over a decade. He once lost his entire microphone system during a major dance performance in India. I watched as he was in the middle of a solo and his mic just shut off. Despite him being in the middle of a composition and getting thrown totally off, he kept going (though he looked quite annoyed - who wouldn't be?), finishing his compositions until the sound could be restored. Taking that lesson to heart, that’s what I did. I told myself this wasn’t the end of the world. It didn’t have to be perfect and, I should be nimble enough to go with the flow and improvise. I also thought about surfing and the way the ocean has taught me this lesson thousands of times in it's ever changing, unpredictable way, often reminding me what a speck I am in the grand scheme of the world. I started calculating in my head what I was going to cut. I also got clear with what was most important in the moment: how I showed up, as my attitude and mental state would either make the talk or break it. Putting things into perspective helped greatly in managing this snafu.

2.    Prepare, Prepare, Prepare!

I continued my talk just fine. I almost got through all of my slides when I clicked on the next one, only to realize none of my animated bullets made it into the master deck compiled by the company, which guided all my talking points! Surprised and embarrassed, I quickly grabbed my paper notes from the side and revealed verbally each point, one by one.

Even with 15 years of public speaking experience under my belt, I can’t stress the importance of being as prepared as possible for whatever presentation or project you may be doing. You just never know what will happen, and you want to feel comfortable enough with the content that you can improvise on it if you have to.

For a 20-minute talk, I often put in hours of prep time, as I’m not a natural, on-the-fly orator. I know my slides and points like the back of my hand. I made sure I had backup notes, just in case the slides clonked out. Instead of expending energy scrambling as a result of not seeing my bullet points on the slide, I put my energy towards grabbing my notes and presenting from there. Though it wasn’t completely polished, it was fine. And, I was able to get my points across with no problem, while still feeling confident in my delivery. This would have been hard to do if I were less prepared.

3.    Get as Much Experience Under Your Belt as Possible

The more experience you have, the better you’ll be able to manage through unexpected bumps in the road. For speaking, experience can range from presenting something to your roommate or friend or spouse, to presenting at a full-blown conference. It doesn’t always have to be in the context in which you are doing your work. For example, I taught dance for years. Being in front of students and presenting to them absolutely contributed to the development of my public speaking skills. So, get as much experience as possible. The more experience you get, and the more the experience can mirror the conditions under which you have to perform, the more comfortable you’ll feel, and the better you will be able to manage on the fly.

When I was in high school, I was presenting an original oration at a forensics conference in Boston. It was my first time speaking and competing in that particular division. I felt so unsure and doubted my speech so much that I lost my confidence in the middle, and wasn’t able to finish it. I just sat down, feeling a bit ashamed, embarrassed and defeated. I was usually very comfortable speaking, but this was a new topic area for me, and I was out of my comfort zone. After everyone had completed their orations, the judge came back to me. He was kind, and gave me the opportunity to go back up on the stage and present, but I still did not do it.

When I talk about gaining experience, I mean facing situations that you may not be able to get through at that time, but that will stretch you, and yes, even scare you a bit.   Contrast this story to many years later in my professional career when I’d find myself presenting in front of an audience of hundreds of women halfway across the world at a major women’s business conference (and getting paid thousands of dollars to do it). Things went fine, but I would have never gotten there without both the positive and not so positive experiences under my belt. Gaining that confidence takes time, and there can be some humbling experiences along the way. But just keep doing and learn to appreciate the experiences, even if you don't come out on top for all of them.   Most athletes and artists get this at a visceral level (why they have a thing called rehearsals and practice), but what about taking that mindset to our professional work?

4.    Know Your Purpose

During the unexpected bumps in my recent talk, it occurred to me that I could stay rigid to the way things were SUPPOSED to go and, as a result, fall apart or complain when they didn’t go as planned (this is a very left-brained way of seeing the world). Or, I could swing over to the other side and allow for a little possibility, a characteristic associated with right-brained processing.

On my way down to the talk, I was in a funky mood. I decided to close my eyes and did a meditation on the plane. I focused on my breathing and imagined a heart with a chocolate ice cream cone in it (hey, I was taught as a kid to meditate on ice cream cones throughout my martial arts training. It stuck so it’s fair game in my book. The point is to keep your mind focused on one thing). This was followed by a vision of what I call ninja love – spreading love through the sending of hearts all around me, in the shape of heart discuses. I know it sounds strange, but this is just what came to me. It was through this meditation that I connected with my purpose for the day. The content was important, but more than anything, I realized I was there to inspire, and - I know this will sound woo woo - to spread love. I realized that delivering a perfect presentation was far from the point. The point was all about how I showed up in relation to the people I would meet and what intention I had for them in the moments I was able to connect with them. The more relaxed, centered, connected and focused I showed up, the greater impact I’d be able to make with my words.

No matter what the chaos, I truly believe that the attitude and energy we cultivate in our space makes all the difference. This is not to say that it should have been all on me to make my talk successful. In the end, I was able to debrief with their team and share with them ideas for how to better manage these events, as well as make a checklist of what I needed to prepare going forward, should I encounter a similar scenario. Even better, the team members who organized the talk evaluated themselves, and they picked up on most of the hiccups so that next time, things could run smoother. Remember: there are no mistakes in life - just experiments with results as touted author, Gregg Levoy, says!

In the end, the participants were elated. They were engaged, and we got very positive feedback on the event. And that’s what mattered most.

Performance is a complicated tapestry of inner mental work, readiness and practice. (Note: That’s a tweetable. Tweet away!) Improvisation always needs a solid base. When things don’t go as expected, we need that base and mental readiness to move forward, whether we are an athlete, motivational speaker, or performer.

What strategies and techniques do you use to manage your performance when unexpected glitches happen? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the Comments section below!

*Pandit Chitresh Das completed his spiritual journey on earth, and recently passed at the age of 70. He not only left behind a legacy of timeless teachings in his craft, but, in my opinion, a way of thinking - patterning the minds of those he touched deeply, equipping us with skills to manage through the ups and downs of the unexpected. There is no way to memorialize his legacy in this short blog (nor is that the point of this post), but he was the first person who came to mind when sitting down to write on this topic, so I just went with it. He will be forever missed.

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4 Tips for When You Get Triggered

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Managing a Team Through COVID-19? Here are 5 Things You Should Know.

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I've Had My Fair Share of Leadership Meltdowns. Here are 5 Things I'd Say to You.

Indian Dance and the Art of Leadership: My One Favorite Lesson

My Brain on Stress: What I Wish Someone Had Told Me When I Was an Executive Leader

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Growing Your Listening Skills Will Grow Your Leadership. Here's How.

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4 Tips for Managing Performance on the Fly

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