When I was 20, I was bitten by the classical Indian music and dance bug. Before I knew it, I found myself with a one-way ticket out to Northern California to study with one of the last living masters* of Kathak. Kathak is a dance discipline made up of mathematically precise footwork, swift pirouettes and storytelling. Our teacher was always known for his speed and agility, training us with the utmost rigor and repetition. When people would visit the class, he would pride himself on how hard he’d work us, often pushing us, for example, to execute 108 swift pirouettes in a row without pause. At one point, I remember I spun so out of control I knocked over the halogen lamp in the Fulton and 3rd Ashram in San Francisco where we used to train.  Speed and fierceness were high values, and to just keep going, no matter what, was often the lesson. There were times we’d be on a roll, and nothing could stand in our way, egos flying high, adrenaline pumping from the percussive beats and all-around good workout. And then, he’d do the one thing that would completely fuck our shit up: He’d slow everything down.
 
All of a sudden, everything we had trained our bodies to do in relation to executing a composition at a certain speed went out the door. If I had to give you a surfing metaphor for what this was like, it was akin to surfing a thin, hollow wave over a pure reef break on a shortboard, feeling the split second stability of the board that a powerful wave might offer on takeoff, and then suddenly finding yourself on a completely different wave - one that is slow, flat, lazy, and weak, but having to surf with the same board - without being allowed to paddle. All of a sudden, with everything weaker and slower, the board feels wobbly in the weak surf. But now you need some type of precision and skill to make it work in those conditions.  
 
Deep inside, I knew this was my teacher’s way of truly testing how well we knew the compositions and how solid of a grasp we had of taal (rhythm), one of the defining virtues on which the whole classical North Indian music structure is based. If the tempo were slowed down, we really HAD to understand the composition, in a totally different way. We had to know precisely where each beat of the composition would land in the cycle of rhythm AND make conscious adjustments to the composition and relate it differently to the underlying rhythmic cycle. We suddenly needed to shift from unconscious competence into a space of being conscious of what we were doing. This required us to be ever more precise given the space of in-between we were now given. Aside from the “be prepared for what life may throw at you” lesson, there was another lesson in this, too.  First, a little neuroscience. 
 
Let’s start with brain waves. We have 5 known speeds of brain waves—beta, alpha, theta, delta and gamma. Whether we are mentally active, resting or asleep, our brain always has some level of electrical activity. Beta, for example, is where we function most of the day when we are “doing” something, like when we are in our task-positive network. Delta is our slowest wavelength, generated in dreamless sleep and in the deepest of meditation. As my coaching colleague pointed out, the slower our brain waves, the more time we have between thoughts (just as we have more time between beats in a composition when the tempo slows.) The more mindful we can be about our thoughts and actions, the more conscious we become of them. But wait! There’s more! --The slower the brain waves, the more the right and left hemispheres of the brain communicate! So when the tempo of life slows, it forces more awareness and consciousness AND, quite possibly, a more optimal environment for brain integration. I know - Holy Mother of Kali!    

In thinking about this lesson from classical Indian dance, I couldn’t help but wonder what we miss as leaders when we don’t slow down. By slowing down, we are literally allowing more space between thoughts and creating a more optimal internal environment for conscious, thoughtful decision making. In fact, if you think about it, slowness has virtues not just in the leadership realm. I recently decided to slow down my eating and to chew as much as possible, to consciously be aware of the food I was eating to nurture my body. As a result, my entire experience of eating changed. For one, I become fuller with less food AND I actually enjoy the food more, reveling in every bite and taste. I am also WAY more present to the eating experience.
 
I do not mean to say that speed doesn’t have its virtues, or that quick decisions are always bad, nor do I mean to imply to ignore our intuitive hits. However, to slow down a process while still maintaining balance and grace is something of an art. It requires awareness, consciousness and precision.  In the case of dance, it was the necessary training ground that would serve to distinguish the technique and ability of a dance practitioner from the nuances and subtleties of a well developed artist. 
 
Imagine what we’re missing when we’re always doing everything fast—from dating, to eating, to running a business, to surfing only fast waves, or dancing only fast compositions. We’re short-changing the many capabilities, perspectives and details the structure of our consciousness offers, limiting how we see, feel and experience the world around us. We’re missing out on this rich space of "in between", and on the insights that come from having to break something down we know so well, and to be in it from a totally difference reference point.   It’s no coincidence there is a surge of interest in Eastern traditions that have practices that slow us down. From yoga to meditation to, yes, classical Indian dance and music. These are not just new-agey, hippie-dippie things. We’re in a moment in our culture when we are actively seeking slow. In doing so, we are not just building optimal environments for better, more integrated brains, but, in my opinion, honing real leadership tools. 
 
So to leaders out there, I challenge you to slow things down, but to first start with slowing down your own thoughts. You may, in the end, make better decisions and contribute to a more conscious and mindful world. Where do you need to slow it down a notch?  What takes you to slow? 

Farah came to Surf Life when she was at a crossroads as a dancer wondering how to make the leap from a trained student to making a career and living as an artist. We did a great deal of work on purpose and alignment together. Today, as a result of her hard work and courage, she is a now an accomplished artist with her own school who has also turned a novel about one of India's most powerful women into a full length work of art using dance, drama and storytelling - a great feat in finding her authentic voice in her art form and in life.

She says this about Surf Life: "Farhana helped me to break through the things that are holding me back and find the path to not just discovering, but living a life that is authentically me."  Click here here for artistic highlights of her show.

Click here for her press accolade.

Dealing with the highs and lows of change is inevitable.  I’ve seen competent executives with PhDs get moved to tears because they feel totally incompetent at what they are doing, entrepreneurs on an emotional roller coaster because they lost a good lead and their cash flow is screwed for the month.  I’ve also seen people in transition feeling really low because they were a leader and powerful professional at work, and now the people they once did business with won’t even call them back. 

And of course there is just the occasional funk, when you just don’t feel so great (like the one I was in last week).  We all go through our ups and downs, but how can we try to stay more “above the line” as we would say in coaching – in more resonant and positive emotions when we’re not feeling so great?  Here’s what I’ve learned along the way that I’d like to share with you.    

1.    Normalize Your Funk

The first thing to remember is that being in a funk is sometimes NORMAL.  I had lunch with a dear friend from high school who is now a Harvard-trained practicing neuropsychologist.  “What we forget is that it’s normal to have mood swings.  We need to start to normalize the fact that we have a range of emotions,” she’d say.  We can’t all be in a good, chipper mood all the time.  Unfortunately, in today’s society, our moodiness can make us quick to start self-diagnosing – maybe I’m bi-polar, maybe I’m depressed, maybe there is something wrong with me.  The truth of the matter is that we need to feel and be with ALL of our emotions.  So if you get in a funk from time to time, normalize it, for you are part of the animal kingdom!  

One of the principle points that celebrated psychology researcher Brené Brown makes in her TED Talk, “The Power of Vulnerability,” is that when we suppress our vulnerable feelings like fear, shame and disappointment, it makes it impossible for us to feel the positive ones - like joy, gratitude and happiness.  (Side note:  if you are convinced you feel no emotion, you ARE suppressing your emotions.  Get help accessing and feeling them!)  Seen the new Pixar move Inside Out yet?  Remember at the end when Joy, after trying to keep Sadness from “touching” any of the core memories, finally lets Sadness “touch” some of them?  It’s because she realizes that sadness is a necessary emotion to the human experience.  If sadness is suppressed, joy cannot be felt.  So, embrace your funkiness.  What I mean by that is to feel it.  Be with it. 

2.    Celebrate New Wins

Unfortunately, our brains are velcro for negative experiences and teflon for the positive experiences.  So when we have a negative experience, we tend to hold onto it.   

Oftentimes, clients tell me of their wins for the week at the beginning of our conversations and then leap to all of the problems and what’s going wrong.  They don’t dwell on their wins, elate in their wins, spend time with their wins.  By not doing so, they compromise the benefits of sitting with a positive experience and what it can do for their brains.  This is why they say you have to deliver 5 or 6 pieces of positive feedback for every piece of negative feedback.  It’s the teflon/ velcro thing. 

There have been days in my business where I have felt really low in terms of my progress.  As an entrepreneur, I want everything done yesterday.  When I can sit down and actually list all the accomplishments I’ve had at the end of the day, or in a week, I automatically feel lifted up.  When I focus on all the things I didn’t get done, I feel inadequate and like I am wasting time, which can lead to me to feel stressed and worried.  So, when possible, focus on your wins.   If you search for the positive experiences and spend time with them, you train your brain to identify more positive experiences in the future.  This is not to say you will not feel down about things, but training your brain to stay in your wins longer will make you more resilient for dealing with setbacks, processing feelings and then getting back on track!  (Note:  Studies show meditation is one of the ways to also build resilience among people who may be experiencing what we call below the line emotions.) 

3.    Remember Your Past Wins

This is a sports psychology technique that one of my good buddies explained to me last year.  When an athlete is down or disappointed from their performance, one of the ways to coach them is to get them to remember and recount their past wins.  This activates the memories and wiring they associate with competence, success and accomplishment, and can greatly shift their mental state.   

After closing C.E.O. Women, the non-profit I ran for 11 years, I initially felt pretty low.   I had very little confidence in starting a new venture.  At the time, I was working on setting up Brown Girl Surf, now a prominent, global women’s surf community.  I saw it as  sort of my “transition” work.  I remember how much anxiety I had around it.  In fact, much of my calls were around telling my coach all the reasons I wasn’t capable of doing the work for Brown Girl Surf.  I believed that I had to be a good executor.  Unfortunately, one of the last colleagues I worked with convinced me I was terrible at well, almost everything I did (she even criticized how I closed the door in our office), and especially so in the skills of sequencing, planning and execution – traits often associated with the left hemisphere of the brain.  And the sad thing was that I actually LET myself believe her.  I ended up convincing myself that I wasn’t good at execution, that I had done a lousy job starting and growing the organization, that I didn’t hire right.… the list went on and on.  I'm sure this wasn't her intention (and this was before I understood how we project ourselves onto others to avoid responsibility) but the more she complained and placed blame on others for the challenges and shortcomings she faced, the more my morale fell.  I forgot about all the things I did do right, the execution that went really well, and all the awesome hires that we did make throughout the year. 

My coach at the time listening to me struggling and challenged my thinking.  She asked me, on a scale of 1-10, how I rated myself in terms of executing at C.E.O. Women all those years.  I know nothing was perfect and by all means I knew I had many areas in which to grow, but I gave myself an 8 or 9, taking into consideration context - the little resources we had, and the fact that this thing grew out of my bedroom with just $1,000, with no executive board, no clients, and few connections.  At that point, I started to look at the bigger picture - the risks that were taken, the sacrifices that were made, and all the positive wins and successes my team and I had during that time as well as all the learnings along the way.  It wasn't perfect but it made me feel like if I did all that at C.E.O. Women, I surely could build the Brown Girl Surf community.  It also reminded me to always look at the bigger picture and context; one person putting down your skills should not negate all of your past wins or create mental blocks for future ones. 

(By the way, today Brown Girl Surf is co-led by myself and Mira Manickam, another awesome leader. We have almost 3,000 global followers, have been covered in international media, and just got our first $40,000 grant to support programming for adolescent girls in the San Francisco Bay Area that will foster a more diverse and inclusive surf culture locally and around the world!  And, our short documentary on India's first female surfer just got picked up by a MAJOR media platform and will be featured next month to its 8 million viewers around the world!) 

4.    Connect with Others

Ever wonder why solitary confinement is used to punish people?  The absence of connection - someone to talk to, someone to be seen by, is like slow death for the brain.  There are a few things needed to have a healthy brain, and one of those is connection.  Our bodies are directly impacted by our connection to others and to the outside world. 

When women are down or go through a hard time, they may be more prone to look to connection to help lift them up.  Sometimes the same is true of men, but more often than not, they will retreat to their man caves.  This may be a necessary process.  However, at some point connection and processing is important and can help lift you out of a funk if you’re in one.  A simple phone call, going out to dinner with someone, or inviting them to go out for a coffee can dramatically shift your mood.  For someone with anxious tendencies, talking with a secure person can often help move them back to more stability.  As a coach, I do a lot of my work in isolation.  I have had to plan how to get enough connection throughout my weeks so I am not just doing coaching sessions on the phone all day.  I lead a weekly, in-person boot camp for executives in transition, make sure I get in surf time and connect with my friends on the break, do some face-to-face client meetings, and make sure I meet and talk to at least one new person a week.  If I’m in a funk, I notice my mood dramatically improves when I reach out and connect with my network and friends. 

5.    Self-Reflect

I once attended a women’s writing class every Monday.  The goal was to do our shittiest writing possible, and through that process, the nuggets within our psyches would emerge and we could craft them into powerful writing.  We would read each entry out loud to the group.  We could write about anything that was on our minds.  Some people wrote about their latest online date and getting picked up in a Maserati, while others had something to say about painful memories of being molested in their childhood.  What was profound about the experience was that it allowed us to self-reflect as well as be witnessed by a group.  Though it was a writing class, it sort of had a therapy-like effect on the group.  People heard you.  I would leave feeling so good, as if I had processed an experience and could better make sense of how to move forward from it. 

Today, I make journaling an almost daily routine, putting aside time to let the feelings pass through.  As a CTI (The Coaches Training Institute) coach, we are trained in something called process coaching.  The theory behind process coaching is similar to Buddhist philosophy, in that when we have an emotion but do not feel it, the energy of the emotion becomes stuck or blocked inside us.  Layers upon layers of blocking can build up.  One thing we do as coaches is help our clients become present to their lives, to get them to FEEL their lives.  By doing so, we take them down into their emotion to feel it so they can open up space for forward movement.  I LOVE process coaching.  It’s a highly unique approach to coaching, but hands down one of the most powerful approaches I’ve learned. 

Fortunately, everything I preach I practice as well, and these are some of the techniques and learnings I share with my clients, whether they are moving into a new executive position, feeling the setbacks of starting their new business, or just feeling sad.  Know that it’s normal.  And also, sometimes just a good cry can do a brain good.   The sooner you FEEL your emotions, the sooner will pass them through.  Train your mind to see your wins and focus on them.  And give your brain the connection and self-reflection space it deserves to function optimally in service to your best life!

It can be challenging to figure out how to represent yourself within the framework of a personal brand, deciding how you want to get noticed, and how to communicate your personal platform, beliefs and values. 

Transitions can pose even greater challenges to personal branding, because often your platform and what you stand for may not yet be clear.  However, I’ve noticed that what people get stuck on are often not the real “heart and soul” aspects of personal branding.  They don’t realize that effective personal branding is not simply about a social media presence and a good logo. 

Below are some common mistakes people make when it comes to personal branding, along with some helpful suggestions for what to focus on.

1. Thinking That Social Media Makes Your Brand

I was recently talking with a professional athlete who is in the process of trying to define her personal brand.  She expressed to me that she was really concerned about posting selfie shots because she was worried she would appear too narcissistic, or worse - that people would think she thought she was better than everyone else. Unfortunately, we live in an age of hyper self-promotion and assertion.  It’s almost a necessity in some industries to constantly post because everyone is competing to get noticed. 

Here’s the thing:  what people don’t realize is that they can paint as great a picture as they want of themselves in the social media space.  But the single biggest determining factor of their personal brand inevitably will be affected by how they show up in their relationships with people – not just online.

There is a well-known author and activist I personally know who is always incessantly posting selfies to the point where one would wonder if he actually was a narcissist.  Yet in person, he is one of the kindest, and most generous souls I’ve ever met.  With such a packed travel and speaking schedule, any time I reached out to him, he always made it a point to somehow fit me in and help me out with a question or advice.  I will always remember him and his brand not so much by his Facebook posts, but rather, through my experiences with him.

With every interaction, every communication, you have a choice for how you represent the brand of YOU.  It’s not solely about the frequency of your Facebook selfies or tweets; your personal brand is about the whole you and what you stand for.  This is why great personal branders bring much of their authentic selves into the online space in a way that is consistent with their values and what they stand for.  Not everyone will like you, and not everyone will agree with your values, but in the end, be conscious of how you show up for a person or interaction. 

In much the same way, I’m going to remember the graphic designer who volunteered her time and delivered what she promised, more than I remember the beautiful design itself or how cool and beautiful her Facebook post designs are.  Your social media does not determine your brand.  How you make people FEEL and and what you stand for does.   In the end, actions speak louder than words. 

2.  Underestimating the Power of Stories

One of the critical, essential pieces of a strong personal brand is the story behind the brand.  

People remember stories over anything else. 

As a professional fundraiser and leader of a non-profit organization for over a decade, one of the first things taught in Fundraising 101 was to always introduce myself and my background story FIRST and foremost before addressing my audience.

Stories connect people to who you are and, most importantly, to your value system.  Instead of listing what you believe in, sharing a story to illustrate your point will serve as a memorable reminder to people of what you truly stand for.  The impact is much more profound.

One year, I was searching for a vendor to help me complete a project I was working on at my non-profit.  One website focused on the features and benefits of the vendor’s service, boasting high quality pictures and such.  The competing website had a prominent picture of the business owner, along with a story of what motivated them to start their business and how they got it up and running.  It was an immediate emotional hook.  I remember feeling like I wanted to choose the second vendor over the other because she had values and a story that resonated with mine.  I also remembered it.  In short, she used her story in a compelling way to define her business and personal brand.

It’s no longer strong enough to say that you are the greatest speechwriter for emerging leaders.  Tell a story of why you got into speech writing, or perhaps how you worked with someone to get them from point A to point B.  Share what it was like - a memorable moment, what your client said, or what you realized.  People will remember this above all else.

3.  Trying to Pigeonhole Yourself

My clients are often multi-talented and passionate about a myriad of things.  They then find themselves in a transition wondering what direction to take and how to position themselves.  The problem soon arises where they end up pigeonholing themselves and feel as if they have left the other 75% of who they are out of the equation. 

You can be many things, but people with successful personal brands are able to find the thread that connects the many things they do. 

My good friend Mira, a talented hip hop artist, aspiring ninja (yes, ninja), surfer, environmental justice youth program developer, writer and editor was in a conundrum not too long ago.  “I have so many passions.  How do I focus on positioning myself in a way that is authentic and attracts projects I’d like to work on without losing sight of all of my many talents,” she’d ask.   

The key for Mira was finding the common thread amongst everything she did. She determined that this common thread was empowering urban youth to connect to the outdoors.   So, my recommendation to her was to figure out how to represent herself as someone who specializes in urban environmental education – from creating hip hop music, to consulting and writing for projects that seek to engage urban youth in the natural environment. 

It doesn’t mean she gives up her other talents or focus, but it becomes a lens for her to position herself and stand out as the go-to person for creative guidance and solutions in the realm of urban environmental education.  She still surfs and she still raps, making her even more unique in her space.  (And she has really cool sneakers, which also makes her a memorable character!)  There may be times when it is more appropriate for Mira to push her writing and consulting skills, and other instances where it is more appropriate for her to push her music skills, but the important thing is that she’s clear about what’s in her arsenal, and she has a memorable, unifying theme (empowering urban youth to connect to the outdoors) that makes it easier for her to convey her talents and services to others.   

Think of your personal brand as an umbrella under which you include all the attributes, values and skills that are uniquely you.  So, the idea is to do less pigeonholing and more umbrella-ing of yourself when crafting your personal brand.  Find the common threads among things to form your theme where appropriate.      

In summary, an effective personal brand is as holistic as the whole person you are. 

Let’s face it - no human being is one-dimensional and can be summed up in just a logo or a brand promise.  We are whole beings, and therefore it’s important to employ a “whole being approach” when it comes to your personal branding, vs. trying to simply follow the rules of companies.  At the end of the day, people follow people who are consistent, memorable, and interesting!  

Do you have another perspective or lesson to share on personal branding?  What have you learned along the way?  We'd love to hear from you! 

I used to think that vision was mere “fluff” - not worthy of much work and time.  It was more important to execute and provide products or services because those were more measurable and important at the end of the day.  To me, investing time in creating a vision seemed extravagant at best.

After transitioning out of a 15-year career as a non-profit leader and executive, I all of a sudden found myself without a North Star.

I kept thinking of ideas and ways I could make things look different with a business or project, and I’d follow through by getting into full execution mode.

But what I realized was that I was lacking a fundamental vision for my life. 

I know, how sad - a life with no vision.  Mind you, I generally have lots of ideas – at times too many for my own good! It was as if I was executing projects and ideas, but I wasn’t sure exactly how they all tied in to the bigger picture of things and to my greater purpose.   Have you ever had that feeling?

Well, that feeling inspired me to share with you a few things I learned along the way about the importance of personal vision, and some steps you can take to craft yours and bring it to life, even when it seems far off!

Step 1: Believe first.

During my coaching journey, I discovered there was a neuroscientific explanation for the importance of vision.  The scientific explanation came from Srini Pillay’s TEDx talk , a resource I have mentioned a few times in my previous posts.  

In short, Srini talks about the brain as having its own internal GPS system; our neural tissue actually has the ability to direct us towards our goals and vision as we take in information.  This inputting of information into our “internal GPS systems” happens at a subconscious level.  He notes that knowing our history and where we came from as well as utilizing our imagination and vision activates this action center in the brain, helping us move from point A to B.  It’s no wonder vision is so stressed in organizations and the business world.  If you think about it, as humans, we can’t organize ourselves in the right way without knowing what it is we are organizing around, whether personally or for someone else.  Our minds work in a similar way. 

Pretty cool, eh?  When I learned this, my previous assumption about “vision” turned from fluff to form, and certainly gave me something more marshmallow-like to chew on.    

So if you haven’t already, I’d highly suggest watching this awesome talk by Srini Pillay, called “The Science of Possibility”.  It helped me understand the impact  that visioning and imagining into the future has, and how vision can help us achieve our goals.

Step 2:  Understand the benefits of crafting a vision.

Have you ever gone to an advisory meeting for a new start-up or a meeting at a place you’re volunteering for, and there was nobody there talking about the bigger picture purpose of the work?  Perhaps you found yourself mired in the weeds of the “how-tos”?  How did you generally feel?  Inspired?  Ready to roll up your sleeves and jump in?  Lost?

Smart leaders know that to keep people following, they must be able to hold a compelling picture of what could be in the future.

Being able to point towards a North Star or greater mission helps connect and give our tactics and actions purpose.  When we are able to hold a vision for ourselves in our lives, we become clearer about our own trajectory and transition.  The clearer we are about our trajectory, the more likely we’ll be able to attract the resources we need towards it.  Crafting a very personal vision is beneficial in the sense that you are creating an internal roadmap for the way forward; as a result, you spend less time on things that aren’t going to lead you straight to that vision.   

Take sports, for example.  Growing up as a competitive athlete and member of the U.S. National Karate Team, I trained a great deal for competition.  In the summers, I would do intensive training comprised of physical, repetitive regiments to prepare for competition.  But when it came down to the pressures of actually competing and performing, it was the visualization and meditation work that paid off the most.  Seeing myself go through my katas (forms) and winning matches was critical in helping me achieve and meet my goals. What I was doing was training both my body and mind to see the goal.  Without the visioning, it would have been very difficult for me to succeed with just technique alone.  So you can have all the skills in the world, but without personal vision, you may not succeed in achieving your purpose.  

Step 3: Employ visualization.

Finding clarity in a vision is one of the hardest things for people in transition. Visualization can be a helpful tool in this realm. 

Very often, it’s necessary to go through a process, either with a coach or in a workshop setting, where you can experience a guided visualization process for what you want your future to look like.

I remember when I was starting my coaching business and I was trying to reach a very broad base of entrepreneurs and leaders.  I was struggling with how to market my services, as it felt like I was reaching out to so many different groups of people.  My coach at the time had me do an exercise.  She asked me to close my eyes and to imagine myself 5 years into the future.  She asked me where I was working, how I was working, and by whom I was surrounded .  I saw myself living in something akin to a very cool, somewhat Bohemian-looking treehouse, with all the amenities of a conventional house (yes, that’s really what I saw!) by the beach.  I was running retreats, surfing and coaching executive women leaders.  It was that clear.

That’s when it hit me that I needed to really focus on integrating surfing more into my work coaching clients.  This shifted things enormously for me.  I went from feeling scattered to knowing who to target and what to communicate to my clients.  There is a saying that you should start with where you want to end up.  The benefit of getting clear on your vision is that it can tell you precisely where to start. 

In my work with clients, I often have them close their eyes and ask them to envision where they are working 3 or 5 or 10 years into the future, however far they are willing to go.  I ask them to envision who is around them, and what those people are saying. This exercise helps them to gain more clarity on where they see themselves.  I highly recommend engaging in a process like this. 

Step 4:  Break it down, day by day.

It’s not enough to have the vision; you have to find a way to break it down into daily to-dos, while always keeping the vision front and center.

One of the practices I employ during my daily routine is listing the things that are going to make me the most happy and productive for the day.  I do this with the intention of executing on my action items.  I first start by writing down all that I am grateful for that day about my business and life.  I then list what I want my dominant feeling to be that day – examples are happy, sad, determined, focused.  And then I list the 5 or 6 things that I need to focus on that will make me the most happy and productive on that day.  Like an athlete, I set my intention for the course and regiment of that particular day.  This is followed by a process of setting a wild intention - an ultimate dream - which I write down as well.  I learned this from a fellow coach and it has done a lot to help me get me focused in my days and proactively working towards my vision. 

When I started thinking about offering a Surf Life Coaching Retreat a year ago, I was somewhat terrified of doing it.  What if it all goes wrong?  What if I don’t get people to sign up?  But holding to and returning to that vision each day and including steps in my process above is what helped me eventually launch the program this summer, here in Northern California.  Step by step, I broke the vision down, and I slowly completed the planning and logistics necessary to hold the retreat, keeping my ultimate vision for it in mind the whole time.

I can't stress enough the importance of vision in our life and business transitions.  It can pay off innumerably to spend time crafting your North Star.  Now that I've shared my thoughts on vision, I'm curious, where has vision played a major role in your life or transition?  What tactics and resources have you used to help get clarity for your vision?  I'd love to hear your thoughts! 

My answer to whether the risk is worth taking is, it depends. Here are four recommendations I’d make to anyone who is contemplating making a really radical life or business change, yet is seemingly paralyzed by the fear of losing job security, balancing family, or other practical, modern-day considerations.

1.    Make sure you are “on purpose”. 

Before you can answer whether the risk is worth taking, ask yourself this: Is this my purpose?  Is this truly what I’m about and the reason I was put on this earth?  If you come up with a resounding yes, then the risk may very well be worth taking.  Consider for a moment you found your purpose which, for many people, often takes half a lifetime.  Now that you know your purpose, why would you want to waste your time on anything else?  Your life will go by quickly.  You don’t want to be on your deathbed wishing you had done things differently, do you?  When we are on purpose, we resonate more, we feel excited and invigorated, and we attract the resources and people around us that we need to achieve our vision.  That resonance will have more impact on us being successful than if we were just given a big pot of money and told to create something we weren’t that into. 

Purpose is the platform to our vision, which in turn drives our everyday actions and choices.

You can’t ever succeed if you don’t risk it.  But risk it with purpose.  You will often read in popular entrepreneurial writings that entrepreneurs hardly ever do something because they are driven to make a lot of money.  Many of the ones who became successful did it because they believed in their idea so much and were driven by the value it could bring to the world. If you believe in something that much, then the risk is worth it, because with that drive and passion, you are that much more motivated to find the right path forward. 

2.  Minimize the risk. 

Leaps don’t just happen over night.  I think it’s time to insert a surf life metaphor for you.  A big wave surfer doesn’t just drop down Mavericks (a big wave in Northern California) one day without first having started in baby waves.  She practices for years and years and keeps pushing her limits.  She trains.  She visualizes.  She gets her mind as well as her body prepared.  She grows her competency.  In other words, she does things to minimize the risk. 

The concept is similar when thinking about risks on land, in life and in business.  When I started my first social impact organization, I had contract jobs on the side and worked on my idea with the other part of my time.  I didn’t start by renting office space and carrying monthly payments, making a website and then looking for clients.  That would have opened me up to too much risk.  I thought about minimizing the risk through partnerships, and through making baby steps by collaborating with other programs and institutions to serve their clients first.  Then I spun off.  Whether it’s considering leaving a career and going after the idea of your dreams, or taking a leap of faith with a courageous conversation, think about how you can start to do a pilot run of it. 

Test the idea.  Take baby steps.  Shrink your idea into parts.

Be sure you can answer these questions:

Why am I doing this?
What do I want to get out of it?
How will I do it?

3.  It’s more about persistence and less about failure.

In my work as a social entrepreneur, I actually had to deal with the difficult decision of winding down an organization.  It had succeeded in meeting its mission for women for 11 years.  On the outside that seems like 11 successful years!  But the truth of the matter is, there were many failures over that 11 years, too.  Looking back, if I stopped everytime  I failed, there would not have been an organization.  But I chose to be persistent, and that is the reason the organization kept going.  So, you will fail.   It’s actually inevitable in many courageous and creative pursuits.  But it’s not the failure that matters;  at the end of the day, persistence is most important.

How many waves does a surfer wipe out on before they can pop up on just one?  (Yes, here I go with the surf metaphors - they're just so good!) Many.  And it’s not failure -  it’s learning.  We need to have a growth mindset when thinking about courageous transitions.  Instead of seeing failure as failure, see failure as learning and move on. 

4.  Forget about what others will say. 

This is perhaps the #1 biggest fear I see in people – fear of how you will appear to others and the shame you might feel if you fail. 

Take it from me, if you live your life fearing what others think of you, you WILL be held back from your potential. 

When you are worried about what others say, you are relying on others to define your potential and (worst of all) to give you permission.  I learned this the hard way in my leadership.  As a young leader with some amount of organizational power, there were some times I uncomfortable with the power, and would rely on seeking permission from others – from my board, from my colleagues, from advisors, from my team.  At the end of the day, I wasn't listening to what my voice inside me said.  It is very common in organizations for many people to work through the leader and it is important for the leader to hold multiple stakeholder’s agendas.  At some point, however, you might find yourself needing to make a decision for yourself, and only YOU know you best. 

Now, when I am in a highly creative state of change or new creation, I purposely distance myself from certain critics and people or just don’t offer too much information on what I’m doing.  If they aren’t resonating at the same frequency that I am and are doubtful of my plans or ideas, they often become critical and quick to judge.  This makes it harder for me to be successful, as I then find myself in a spiral of doubt, and well, doubt doesn’t help anyone.  Surround yourself with the people who aren’t going to judge you for the moment, and keep yourself at a distance from those who are.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying to avoid people who can give you honest and critical advice, but at the end of the day make sure they are in support of YOU and not just projecting their own fears of risk onto you.  It can make all the difference. 

Have you found yourself in a position where you feel stuck and are afraid of venturing down a new path for fear of failure?  What did you do to decide whether the risk was worth taking?  Inquiring minds want to know!

A lot of people come to Surf Life Coaching to get help making a bold transition, or to figure out how to get to the next level in their careers or personal lives.  Most of the time, they come stuck in their safe zone.  They are afraid, and by staying in the “safe zone”, they do not grow and challenge themselves to get to where it is they really want to go. 

When people start to step out of their comfort zones, a number of things happen.  For entrepreneurs, it can mean the difference between really starting to differentiate themselves in their industry vs. being just another plain business.  For individuals, it can mean paving an opening for going after what they really want vs. feeling stuck in their status quo lives.  

To take a leap and get past the fear can take a lot of work.  Sometimes, people are afraid they will fail, or are afraid of what others might think of them.  But what they don’t realize is that some amount of risk is what will also make them grow.  Any failure they might experience will be in service to a much greater personal self-growth and discovery. 

I know it’s one thing to list the logical reasons for stepping out of one’s comfort zone, and it’s another thing to FEEL the need to do so.  For the sake of this post, I’m going to stick to logic:   

1.  Grow your leadership:  Stepping out of your comfort zone can aid in developing your leadership and self-growth.  As an example, a few years into running the nonprofit organization I founded, I was struggling in a relationship with one of my most important employees and fellow leaders.  Most of the time, we found ourselves burning the candle at both ends and were very overworked and tired.  We were stressed, and tempers were often short.  I knew we needed to have a critical conversation about what was going on, but I remember neither of us really wanted to have it.  We didn’t know HOW to have it, AND it was uncomfortable.

As I was the so-called ‘boss’, I’m sure it was hard for her to bring up our discordant dynamic.  And truth be told, I was equally afraid because back then, I wasn’t very versed with head-on, to-the-point conflict.  I was afraid of being blamed or worse yet, that she might leave.  (Yes, bosses have fears, too.)  We danced around this dynamic for a bit until it finally came to a head and we both had to have the conversation.  It was uncomfortable and I felt vulnerable, but it was so good to get things on the table.  Truth be told, tears were shed and thoughts and feelings were expressed.  And afterwards, it was as if we were in a whole new space.  I really understood her perspective and what she needed, and she understood my perspective, too.  Stepping into this zone of discomfort took me to a whole other level in my leadership. 

Conversations on difficult subjects after that with other employees, family and friends never seemed hard at all.  I had forced myself to be out of my comfort zone with this, and looking back, what I realized was that it was one of the best skills I developed in my leadership arsenal for the years ahead.  No conversation after that ever seemed quite as scary.    

2. Stand out from the crowd:  Being uncomfortable is often the path to differentiation.  For example, I coach a number of entrepreneurs, and sometimes they end up sitting in their comfort zones in their business or lives, and nothing seems to be moving.  When they realize and come to terms with that big, scary idea or passion they have been stuffing away all these years, and start to move towards it, it feels uncomfortable.  They get scared, and often the voices of “can’t” and “sabotage” get in the way and give them every logical argument as to why they shouldn’t step towards it.  But, stepping towards this is when they start to grow.  If you are not in a place of feeling slightly uncomfortable, not stepping into new territory, how are you to find what makes you different?   

As an example, before I started Surf Life Coaching, I was just a coach – a “vanilla” brand coach for leaders and entrepreneurs (though some would say I’m too brown to be vanilla, but you know what I mean!).  Many friends and coaching colleagues would suggest that I somehow integrate surfing into my approach, since I loved it so much.  Well, I stuffed that idea so far down that I didn’t want to consider it – I was afraid.  But it was an idea that kept popping up again and again that I couldn’t seem to bury.  After much introspection, months of coaching and a day-long seminar on finding my true calling, I realized I could stay on land and do traditional coaching and trudge along in my business, or I could create something unique with little road map or knowledge of how to do it, and try to deliver my coaching service in a new and better way. 

I remember when I saw the path of where I needed to go.  I knew I needed to go all out with this surfing and coaching concept.  It had me terrified.  In the end, I got over the fears and developed my own methodology for Surf Life Coaching.  What this did was allow me to differentiate my services, and stand out.  It was not the comfortable path by any means, but it helped set my approach apart, allowing me to deliver my unique skills and talents to those most in need. 

3.  Gain new insights:  Getting out of your comfort zone can often bring you to new ideas and insights.  When we surround ourselves with the same people, images, thoughts and media all the time, we are just reinforcing and trying to build on what we know.  When we can get out and see the world, connect with someone other than who is in our normal circle, we not only gain new perspectives, we also gain critical new insights for ourselves. 

This is why you might find business leaders choosing to hike up big mountains with Sherpas during their vacations, or activists bridging the worlds of technology and entrepreneurship to build hybrid models to get to something new.  Getting out of their comfort zones forces them to experience things in a different way, and to gain valuable perspective that can often lead to new creation. 

Great leaders may take risks and hire people for a position with little to no experience in their industry, but with know-how on the general concepts.  It’s a risk for the company or organization to bring in somebody without the industry knowledge, but what they gain through this is an entirely different perspective and way of seeing things that often ends up becoming a competitive advantage more than anything else.

4.  Build resilience:  My second job out of college was as an Americorps/VISTA (sorta like the domestic Peace Corps) volunteer at a start-up social venture helping low-income women entrepreneurs to start their own businesses.  When I arrived on site to the job, I had no desk, no computer, no office and essentially, no physical place to work.  I had to find it all.  I worked out of my supervisor’s home office, borrowed a desk at central administration, and then worked out of a site for a homeless jobs program before landing in a commercial bank – all within the span of 12 months.  I know – yikes!  It was the most uncomfortable situation to go from a structured academic environment in college to having to fundraise to get your own computer and a chair to sit your butt down in!

But what this discomfort did was pattern in me a solutions-oriented and troubleshooting mind.  I would come to use those skills to start the next two social ventures and my business.  It gave me insights on how to attract and leverage resources, and how to stretch a dollar 5 times around the block, so to speak.  It also got me comfortable with mobility, and being able to be productive no matter what the environment.  These skills would come in handy for my entire future career in entrepreneurship. 

And then there was the time I found myself in Western Samoa in a village with a shack for a bathroom, sleeping on a mat on a plank with no walls.  Another seemingly uncomfortable situation, but I was not intimidated. ;)

Anyways, the discomfort seeded in me a resilience for change, and detachment to space.  These have been critical lessons learned along the road that have helped tremendously in my life transitions, and in creating and building things.  Resilience is invaluable currency. 

5.  Grow your capacity for respect and humility:  When you step out of your comfort zone, you actually connect more with the world, and learn to have a healthy respect for others.  For example, when I take people surfing for the first time - let’s face it - they usually have their asses handed to them.  They fumble, wipe out, roll in the surf, and then pop their heads back up wondering why they weren’t able to get up on their board.  Some of them are used to being in control of everything in their businesses, careers and lives, but why can’t they get a hold of this? 

When they finish, they have such a different respect for the ocean, and a whole new respect for people who charge the ocean on bigger waves.  It also is a process that flattens ego, and can be a very rich place for self-discovery and for learning humility. 

I’m curious - where in your life or career have you felt stuck, but then ventured out of your comfort zone?  How did you do it and what did you learn?  I want to hear from you! 

Some of my first experiences with leadership began as a 14-year-old, when I started teaching martial arts classes for adults.  I learned the importance of leading by example.  I learned what it was to be in front of adults who were relying on me for guidance and support to grow their skills.

In my 20’s, my leadership journey further expanded after founding an organization that gave me the opportunity to not only grow and exercise leadership in ways that continually stretched me, but gave me the honor of working alongside some of the greatest, most courageous people I’d ever met in my life, from fellow scholars, small business owners, to social justice leaders, to corporate CEOs.

After really thinking about this journey of leadership, and some of the characteristics of great leaders I met along the way, it was hard not to think of surfing.  The similarities are uncanny, actually.  Who would have ever thought surfing could be such a window into greatness?   Below are 11 great leadership qualities I have seen in action over the years.

1.     Great leaders commit to their word and follow through:  In the way a surfer commits to a wave at the time of takeoff (the point where the surfer catches the wave and pops up on the board), when great leaders say they are going to do something, they actually do it.  They commit to their word.  When something changes on their end, they communicate it out or give advance notice.  Doing what they say they will do builds absolute trust and confidence in their word. 

2.     They have balanced energy:  Balance is at the foundation of surfing and is a quality I have observed in the greatest leaders I have met. They have a calm, balanced energy about them and are able to be fully present with you in the moment, even if they are extremely busy.  They possess a balanced and inviting way of doing things.  Many of them have a practice (yoga, running, meditation) or something that keeps them grounded.  That energy is felt when you are with them.

3.     They know when to be old skool:  Great leaders are skilled in the art of relationships, and more importantly, they just know when to pick up the phone, old- skool style.  They don’t send long, diary-like e-mails expressing their feelings and frustrations with a laundry list of things you did wrong or how they feel wronged.  When shit goes down, they pick up the phone.  They are courageous.  They confront things head-on and know when a face-to-face conversation is warranted.  Relationships matter to great leaders, and they know how to manage them.

4.     They choose creation over victimhood:  Great leaders have a creation vs. victim mentality.  This means they focus on the ride – the art of carving through the wave - even if the wave is monstrous and gnarly.  They are self-accountable and don’t blame others for their situation or their wipeouts.  If something doesn’t go as planned, they regroup, try again, shift strategies and embrace a growth mentality, learning from the process. 

5.     They possess a passion for their craft:  Much like a surfer, great leaders have a passion for their craft.  They put the best intentions of the issue, cause or organization before their personal agendas. 

6.     They understand the greater powers at work:  Like surfers who understand the power of the ocean, great leaders understand they are minute in the big scheme of things.  They know when to be humble and lead from behind, and how to manage a healthy ego while being at the helm.  They know how to use their ego selectively.

7.     They are courageous:  Like a big wave surfer tackling the world’s scariest waves, great leaders are courageous in their ability to confront uncomfortable situations and have those difficult conversations.  They face their fears, and by standing in their power and speaking their mind, they are able to come to new understandings with those around them.    

8.     They are versatile:  A surfer can be versatile in her ability to surf many different types of surfboards through many different types of conditions in the ocean.  In the same way, great leaders tend to have broad experience in various aspects of their craft, and are versatile in what they do.  Some of them may have started doing the most menial thing, but learned the ropes along the way and know what it feels like to be in the shoes of the people they are leading. 

9.     They respect others:  As surfers learn to have a healthy respect for the ocean, great leaders operate from a baseline of respect for people, including their rivals.  They are not the type who go around making up names for a colleague or boss, or talk badly about someone behind their back.  They hold respect for others and know how to communicate their position, even if it is at odds with someone else’s.    

10.  They are able to see trends through multiple perspectives:  A surfer goes through many perspectives – from assessing conditions on the beach, to being in the water taking the drop, to being in the ‘zone’, to duck diving under the wave.  They are able to be in all perspectives.  Great leaders are also able to be in a range of perspectives, understanding that not everyone will see something the way they do, but knowing how to cull the “trends” from varying perspectives around them. 

11. They are curious:  Just as surfers cross borders, curious about the next kind of wave they will encounter on the horizon, great leaders are curious.  They never assume anything, and know how to approach issues from a place of curiosity.  They know how to ask the right questions from this rich place of curiosity. 

What are some of your observations of great leadership? 

I asked this question to a recent client of mine who was feeling very stuck with what she wanted to do regarding a major life decision.  She couldn’t answer it on the spot; it was meant to be thought over with some amount of time.  It makes you think, even if you don’t have a lie.  I do.  Let me tell you a little about mine. 

For 11 years I worked to build a non-profit organization in service to helping immigrant and refugee women start their own businesses.  They faced systemic challenges in getting their businesses up and running - mostly due to language and economic barriers.  In 2010, I took a sabbatical from my organization to recover from burnout, and to figure out what was next for me.  I took a break from the everyday hustle and bustle of fundraising life and burning the candle at both ends.  I was relatively free of stress during my sabbatical; it gave me the opportunity to really experience life in a way I had never been able to in my adult career, and to really realign my passions with my work.

What became clear to me was my commitment and support to women’s empowerment.  I also valued freedom and independence greatly.  (Yes, I was the type of kid who would look at our shed outside my suburban NJ home and wish I could live in it by myself.)  I wanted to empower and work with women, regardless of whether or not they were immigrants.  When I came back from sabbatical, I realized my lie was that deep inside, I believed I was not the one who should be running this organization.  Somewhere in me I felt that it should be led by the people it sought to serve – by fellow immigrant women in the community.  Only they really knew and understood their circumstances and challenges and could organize and represent themselves in a way where they shared power and were the ones making change; not in a model where they were receiving “charity”.   

We had developed an innovative curriculum in the process, and I believed that could be spearheaded independently of the organization, by a motivated entrepreneur who could build it to its next level.  At first, I thought that entrepreneur was me.  Upon further reflection, the thought of raising capital and driving forward another start-up, which would take everything I had in me, made me cringe.

This realization only came to me after stepping away from what I was doing, and giving myself a break.  I actually had no idea about the amount of financial stress I had been under all those years to run the organization.  Don’t get me wrong; we did AWESOME work.  The team was even more AWESOME, and our clients – amazing. 

When I started working with low-income women entrepreneurs and was thinking of starting the organization, the focus on immigrant women initially came from the suggestion of an early donor, who herself was an immigrant.  With that suggestion came a donation.  She hadn’t seen anything substantial being done for the community in this way.  In some way, it had felt as if I had been partially carrying someone else’s agenda all these years, and not one in which I felt my full authenticity.  There were elements I felt I owned, but in the spirit of a non-profit, at the end of the day, I worked on behalf of the interests of donors and institutional funders.  I never felt stuck, per se.  The year upon returning from my sabbatical, I knew it was time for a change.  I knew what my “lie” was and what the right decision for the organization was. 

Getting clear with myself on what I really wanted to do was key.  It took time and space to figure this out.  But when I figured it out, everything seemed to flow like a river.  No more getting sick.  No more stress.  No more feeling like I was pushing a boulder up a hill.  I could just flow, knowing I was set forth on a path to live my truth.  That truth was to work deeply one-on-one with successful women and leaders, in service to their personal and professional transformations, and to guide them to use their success toward making positive social impact on individuals and the planet.  Whereas all these years I had dedicated myself to working on behalf of women with few resources, I knew my calling was to somehow work with women who had resources, in service to adding value to the planet. 

Sometimes we do good work, and it is not exactly the path that we know will most fulfill us.  Sometimes we do work that sucks the life out of us.  It’s what Greg Levoy, author of Callings calls a parallel path.  It’s like the dancer who becomes the dance critic, or the novelist who instead ends up in journalism.  Don’t get me wrong -  sometimes parallel paths are very necessary.  But what is your truth that keeps popping up in the process?  What are you avoiding that keeps showing up? What parallel paths do you keep creating for yourself to avoid your real path?   You have to give yourself space and reflection to ask yourself if you are living your truth.  When you don’t, it leads to feelings of stuckness, lack of motivation, and even sadness. 

I was fortunate to have the time and space to figure this out.  I was able to explore and make so many different discoveries about my next steps.  If you cannot make physical space, or take time off, it’s critical to make mental space.  Journaling and adding a self-reflective process to your regime will help immensely with this. 

If you are feeling stuck, take the time to reflect on this question: What’s your lie? Really mull it over, and journal on this point.  See what comes to you.  You may be surprised at what pops up and how this bit of information can help ignite momentum for your next big leap, whether it is a career change, or new business idea.  The other way to explore this (also great advice from Greg Levoy) is to have someone ask you over and over: “What do you KNOW to be true?”  Have them keep asking it, and see what it uncovers in you.